STORIES 2
by Mr. Redwine
YFTC & ITSOO
Yours For The Children & In The Service Of Others
JUST LIKE US
Most people who know me well are acutely aware that I am a creature of habit. I like a routine and have a schedule and agenda for everything I do. Time management linked with familiarity helps me achieve the sometimes overly ambitious volume of endeavors I undertake. I work at mealtime, in the car, and keep a detailed agenda of goals -- short and long-term. If consistency contributes to being a good customer, I am well on my way with the places I frequent. There is no doubt in my mind that I and those with me receive special treatment everywhere we go. It’s not asked for but earned through loyalty and patronage. Never really expected but appreciated, the treatment makes you feel ten feet tall and validates you as someone special, all the while keeping to yourself the modesty that the only real thing that makes you special is how and how often you conduct yourself.
Expecting nothing adds to any gift or consideration, especially in the warmth and hospitality extended by someone who appreciates you. In a nutshell, I enjoy the “cheers” atmosphere everywhere I go and like the fact that people know my name, what I like and when I like it. Being quite particular at best, it’s a safe way to assure satisfaction and success. The real trick is because you are treated like royalty, not to become confused that you are or ever behave as such. The rules of etiquette still apply to you and the privileges extended are decisions made by those who hold you in high esteem and value you. I sat in such a “comfort zone” after a horrendous battle in search of a parking spot and began a series of papers and lists on my schedule. The mixed bag and number of hats challenged my time frame and I diligently tried to complete the majority before ordering my food.
Outside my booth window tauntingly stretched the “no parking zone,” a spacious area for two to three vehicles, which I like many of the regulars continuously honored as an inconvenient given. With peripheral vision my attention was drawn to the large black new hybrid Cadillac Escalade that drove up and proceeded to park and unload in the middle of the spaces. A police detective emerged from the driver’s seat as the mayor opened the passenger door and the two entered the building and sat in the booth in front of mine. Honestly, I was more offended than if they had been Joe Schmo and thought of the example and message it sent. “I’m more important than you and the law doesn’t apply to me.” While I’m sure the children’s projects I worked on did not elevate me to exception status on the rules, I felt it was as important as anything they could possibly be doing or discussing.
Elected officials should be champions of the rules and go out of their way to adhere to the laws they help enact. We can’t “fix what’s broke” in this country with a new president or countless billions of dollars. It’s each town and member with the selfless efforts and adherence to fairness, compliance and equality recognition that will make the real difference. What we teach and hand our children needs to be non-partisan and we must realize real thinking must not come from pre-determined siding.
Our messes are a slow fix at best while waiting for the magic lamp or someone else to resolve the problem is a waste of our talents and energy. Repair starts at home; the way we perceive our duty and position in the resolution of the problems. Privilege taken diminishes trust and leadership.
“Servants of the people” has become no more than a catch phrase in a multilevel privileged set of circles rampant in positions of trust and representation. Our voice should be heard daily, not just once every four years, and accountability and ownership should be a standard upheld throughout the year. The more local the problem, the more disappointing it should be. Truly, the work each of us does is the greatest sum of the whole and who we choose and keep to represent us needs to be “Just Like Us.”
YFTC and ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“If credentials, status and connections are important in leadership, how did the rest of us get here?” Jim Redwine
“God, help me choose well those who earnestly and courageously strive to redefine “Servants of the People.” Jim Redwine
BE AMAZED
The best things in life continue to be free. The numbers had continued to swell and some of the Thursday Boy games began to bog down, understandably, due to the inexperience and young athleticism of a huge K-1 base of children. A new roll had just been completed, making obvious the new influx to the organization. With little one on one time, small group breakdown allotment or having a clear sense of rules and routine, the young ones sheer numbers required some creative scheduling and thinking.
After roll call, on an absolute spur of the moment epiphany, I separated the kindergartners from the initial high coordination games to pursue more individual attention to skills and motivation. We played the same spread group games in opposing sidelines next to the older children going about their usual routine. In truth, the separate groups were out of each other’s way, allowing some growth and flowering of personality through smaller setting expression and fulfillment. Learning and involvement were accelerated and the success was evident in the increased attention and joyful expression of the young children. The division had extended success to both groups involved and allowed each to pursue a new lease on an old format gone rogue.
An old dog, after two decades, was still learning new tricks and an army of children continued to amaze me. While the results were outstanding, the further impending revelation ahead was the greatest gift of all. Leave it to kids to make a special moment even better than the imagination can picture it.
Toward the end of the young group’s time together, at the beginning of the last game, the older kids finished with their game, made a spectators’ line the length of the field and inspirationally cheered each child’s individual effort at a line kick game. The energy, excitement and mentoring created a lump in my throat the size of the ball I was kicking and beneath the convenience of my dark sunglasses the tears of respect, pride and joy swelled past retention. It was a defining moment in my life and the true spirit of what a real Thursday child should be: The selfless joy of another’s success and happiness. The elevation of another’s potential, fulfillment and self-confidence. The willingness to exit center stage and revel in the spotlight of another’s importance. The complete and unconditional love of a child for another. The support that builds another up allowing the celebration of each child’s gifts and endeavors. The compassion and integrity flowed through my soul and the power of positive enablers won the day.
The reminder that God’s greatest gift is and always will be a child was the clarity of the moment and the chance to stand with them the greatest privilege possible. The wonders are boundless, the reflections are good parenting and the continuation lies at the village’s feet. To tap is to drill shallow, the riches are vast and the possibilities endless. So much awaits little effort that we can’t afford to look away. The sights to behold require only that we be there and the understanding that we should always prepare to “Be Amazed”
YFTC and ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“There is no brighter future than a compassionate child.” Jim Redwine
“God, help me know when to stand and remind me to kneel to the awe that is a child.” Jim Redwine
THE MARVEL THAT IS YOU
While it would be more desirable to never be rushed, it remains an unlikely part of my future at this point in my life. At my refusal to live with the broken record exclamation, “I just don’t have time,” I cram a lot of the things I love to do neatly and tightly between the things I have to do and am compelled to do. The downside is the adventures are often quick and the chance to include others is remote.
I had started work very early to ensure time for a KWD trip at 6:00. The first rule is to schedule times that don’t interfere with possible family togetherness and the second is to not jeopardize work. With those requirements fulfilled, I picked up my Kayak and launched into the river for an hour to work my upper body, get a close look at an array of birds and wildlife and just have a relaxing and thought-provoking moment to myself. My thoughts ranged from missing my three Longhorns to the difficult weeks ahead that faced me at various jobs. The strokes of the paddle melted away any severity of my thoughts and I was content in my connecting the dots of the turtles in my path.
The hour was ecstasy and my day’s early start afforded me a second thought of selfishness. Having a little more than two hours from my docking and load out, I decided, most likely from an emotional high, to push the proverbial envelope. A harebrained plan to sneak in nine holes of golf six miles away became an instantaneous plan to fulfill an already glorious day’s possibilities. With legal haste I drove to the course with a sufficiently exhausted and challenged upper body and prepared for the lower body equivalent of a half-round of athletic golf. The mere arrival granted me the elusive triple crown of enjoyment. Kayaking, golf and time with a child between work and family was a win-win day for me as any such special sequences would be. The brief time to enjoy my opportunities did not feel rushed but more an additional challenge to fulfill my opportunities.
I changed from my water shoes to my golf shoes and began my journey of the familiar course of trial. The golf was relaxed and the hurried play allowed by the absence of people was invigorating and welcomed. A minimum of shots required sped play even more and the time limit began to complement concentration and success. At a little under an hour I found myself reaching into the cup on number nine and saw a window of opportunity to complete the course in record time. With little more than my initial thought, I committed myself to the attempted completion with a careful eye on the time and my commitments. The back went as the front and in a personal best combination of time and score, I found myself once again reaching into a cup on eighteen with a two hour/73 stroke finish.
Two of the employees met me on the steps, already realizing my remarkable time, and inquired what I shot as a result. Unbeknownst to me the boredom of the slow day had given me a spotlight of interest and tracking and all the staff gave me validation of a combined good effort. Three over had not been a career day for me nor had the two hour finish been a first, but the combination had been what had made it special to me – much like the day.
I realized how many different ways success comes to all of us and the combinations that elevate us above single focused counterparts. The real accomplishment was not my score or completion time against the history or others, but the bettering and improvement of myself. The more we do and the broader our focus the less specialized we are likely to become. With that being said, it makes little sense for us to gauge ourselves against single focused individuals who reach pinnacles of what we enjoy doing. Our success should always be measured by our best effort and improvement. The exploration of our gifts increases them and all we accomplish and achieve is by the grace of God. Our minds remain, no doubt, our greatest assets over a fragile and non-warranted body.
In talking with numerous children this week on the subject of success, confidence and happiness, I conveyed that the only real competition is yourself. Consistent improvement of performance and best efforts forward are as much as we can do and our refusal to judge ourselves harshly is important in a world that can and most likely will. Our uniqueness is our greatest gift and the exploration of our abilities and limitations is the real journey that matters.
Life is full of honorable mentions but the real winners are the participants who celebrate their own efforts and the chance to be included. The health we create in a truthful, accepting and understanding look at ourselves makes us a greater gift to others as well. Our self-validation and confidence in our best frees us to celebrate others unconditionally. Someone else’s accomplishments should never be our measure of our success. Our unique fingerprint ensures our success if we open our eyes and hearts in the acceptance of our own gifts. For ourselves, those we love and the people we’ve yet to love the only measure of success we ever should use as a gauge is ability and its realization. Make time for what you enjoy. Enjoy what you choose to do. Always reward your effort with the willingness to be happy and satisfied with the “Marvel That Is You.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The very best part of each of us is the ability to accept our limitations in the celebration of our achievements.” Jim Redwine
“Nurturing our children to embrace their best as success is the key to the joys life has to offer. Their wholeness, in turn, will be shared with all they meet in their ability to celebrate others from the security in themselves.” Jim Redwine
“If you want to view life as a competition, just remember when you challenge yourself you’ve already won.” Jim Redwine
“God, grant me the wisdom to celebrate myself and others in their gifts, efforts and progress.” Jim Redwine
WHAT WASN’T THERE
I would have to categorize myself as a person resistant to change. Even knowing and believing most things work out for the better with faith and a positive mental attitude. I still give up hard on the old ways.
The city had carved out the groundwork for the new sidewalk to encircle Tanglewood Park and as it worked its way adjacent to the Thursday Boy field I received a healthy number of complaints on the encroachment. It seemed to be another massive amount of concrete replacing yet another stand of grass and safe play yard and the construction created the usual mess and host of noisy machines in the area.
The shrinking wilderness syndrome shortened the safety distance from strangers and traffic and removed natural, uninterrupted load out areas and promised less privacy and more scrutiny. It was an interruption of normality and the initial eyesore invasion of space at best that ruffled a lot of feathers. It ensured further an influx of non-residents coming to the area for their fitness and recreational needs.
Upon its completion no doubt some of the aforementioned occurred, but more importantly I noticed what a great parade of community support passed along the walk, stopping, watching, visiting and supporting our group. It was like having the only gas station on Route 66. The joy and happiness far outweighed the downsides and the sense of community and service was heightened. A safer surface, more inviting path had brought a host of visitors to our home and broadened the sharing of a program that has the ability to bring smiles to the elderly, as well as the young. It created a method of brushing up past driving up or by in a car. A more involved and educated public passes by our signs and activities and are often drawn in and supportive in our endeavors.
A short time back a Thursday Boy advocate who uses the trail read about the bear drive for homeless children and pledged her life collection of pandas. Shortly after her visit she returned with the bears and I asked her if she was sure such a special collection should be given up. She replied there is a time for everything to end and it was the right time. I thought of how the safe, wide and welcoming path had brought such a caring and sharing person to our doorstep. I knew how huge the gift was in her sentiment alone and was grateful of her wisdom to share what cannot be held forever.
So many times before and since the new path has welcomed so many into our presence, just a stop or destination all a welcome glimpse of new and old friends. The dreaded beast had become a friend and all my inhibitions totally laid to rest. Worry once again wasted and life’s ability to make lemonade out of lemons once more prevailed.
So much positive awaits us when we open ourselves to change. Mostly what we fear or dread presents enrichment and depth for us. Our courage to see past the short list of sacrifice leads us to a world of opportunity and fulfillment. Explore the side you can’t see and embrace change and be prepared to love “What Wasn’t There.”
ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
“Build a road, they will come; open a mind and they will stay.” Jim Redwine
“God, grant me the courage and vision to prepare a place for faith.” Jim Redwine
ADMIT IT IS EMPOWERING
With almost two decades of Thursday Boys quickly approaching, as well as the holiday season, I became acutely aware once more of the vast amount of memorabilia from the time coaching, mentoring and working with the children. While primarily just consuming the den, it had also crept into our bedroom as well. The memories were irreplaceable and the thoughts provoked by the mere sight of each item were intoxicating and energizing. The den was crowded with treasures from one end to the other and growing yearly. It was an imposition to the rest of the family and presumptuous on my part that I should be able to monopolize the main family room with what was most important to me.
While truly humbled by the privileges and honors of the memories and their mementos, an arrogance of space and infringement had unwontedly joined the mix of celebration of Christmas and my family had together joined to find a nook to present and flourish with the season. I sat in the room and considered my selfishness and combed my conscience with antics of “I paid the mortgage,” and “I can’t help having so many interests.” Lots of reasons to not make a change and excuses to support my excessive monopolization of the space and theme of the room presented themselves to me. Only one demanded a change and it was fairness; fair to the love and respect I felt for the others living in our home; fair to the comfort of all who try to enjoy the room.
It’s important to consider everyone in the choices that affect them and be sensitive to infringement that occur from our actions. Everyone needs space and when one person spreads out and sticks a flag in every claim it can be disheartening and smothering. Dominant personalities and demanding people have to constantly evaluate comfort lines and investigate methods to avoid detrimental encroachment. One’s zest for anything should not squelch another’s in the process. If manners don’t come naturally, it is safe to say thoughtfulness can be equally difficult without practice.
After consideration and soul-searching, I packed up the entire den and returned it to its rightful majority. The area seemed to double in size with the mere absence of the paraphernalia and despite my dislike of change it made me feel great to accommodate the people I love. The task took the better half of a day and I completed the transition in my best known format of all or nothing. The Christmas decorations, mantle garland, stocking holders, tree and presents would have no competition or want for space this year and with a little time my personal void would become the norm. It had the overtures of saying goodbye to Thursday Boys when Brendan graduated from the program. Despite the emotional attachment to the daily view, I was convinced of the betterment of the task.
When everyone returned to the house and a storm of tenure had disappeared, I could hear and see a genuine sense of appreciation for the change. What was of interest was the concern for my action as a sacrifice. A caring and receptive family gently probed my actions and extreme change of direction. With them sensitive in every way possible and truly surprised, I settled concerns that anything was wrong but actually very right. The next day upon my arrival to the house my wife had returned a reasonable amount of the more presentable items to the den in prestigious places. It was her normal classy and flawless taste presented in a very “un-me” fashion. I think knowing how much I cared and what it took to make the change created a compromise I never expected.
I was surprised and taken aback that a partial reversal had occurred. Truly, the consideration meant more to me than the results and I enjoyed a support that never existed under the duress of overkill and monopolization. The things and people we love can smother them as well as us and obsessions are truly anything that keeps us from considering others in our actions. It’s easy to let something become too big a part of us where other healthy parts of our lives are jeopardized by our lack of moderation.
Our passions can make us blind and having people we trust who love us to guide us is a luxury and gift we can’t afford to ignore. Self-serving lives can quickly boil down to self and compromise and consideration yield a medley of people to share yours with.
Keep an objective eye on your actions and behavior and consider others in your lifestyle choices. Surprisingly enough, compromise awaits fairness with open arms and the worst scenario is you make someone else really happy. Because “we want and we can” is an excellent formula for loneliness. Broaden your mind, realize your flaws and reach for compromise. To err may be human but to “Admit It Is Empowering.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The greatest joys are the ones we don’t try to control.” Jim Redwine
“God, help me keep my main paths simple -- with all leading to my main journey’s road.” Jim Redwine
SLIVER IN YOUR TIN
The greatest Christmas gift continues to be the four children home all at the same time. Anything and everything else that happens is just gravy. I will say that for me the best gravy also continues to be the folks who take the time to send a Christmas card to me and my family. The picture cards, messages handwritten and the inserts make my day every time I visit the mailbox. Phone calls and emails are thoughtful but don’t hold a candle to being on a Christmas card list. Of all the special people I know, to just be included is an honor and quite humbling. Several friends exclaimed they hoped I enjoyed the email Christmas card – you know the ones where you push a button and send automatically to the standing list in the preset memory. I didn’t have the heart to remind them I don’t have email.
In the same spirit of remembering people who matter with a card or letter, I deviated from the normal Christmas agenda this year. While my entire family comes to my house for a formal dinner and then a Christmas movie over dessert, this year before presents were exchanged I dropped a surprise in the mix. I had spent a lot of time thinking of family lost to us through the years and spent a fair amount of effort praying for and honoring them. It became very important to me to not forget them and to continue to celebrate and reflect on their lives, contributions and the love they shared with me.
I made small slivers of paper and put their names on them and placed them in a Christmas tin. The group for family and the group for friends were separated for Christmas purposes and I proposed to the family we draw them from a hat until they were gone and speak of them on a voluntary basis. The older members of the family were grateful and the younger members tolerant as we each continued to draw and speak in our filled room circle. Each person read names and someone spoke for each person and often several added more when comfortable.
Most of us teared up more than once and a few minor breakdowns accompanied some pretty intense refreshers of the depth of our losses. We spoke of each person’s character and their additions to our lives and rejoiced in the gifts they brought to this family. It amazed me how little their accomplishments really meant compared to the relationships they fostered. Every deceased person’s greatest achievements were the connections they made with our hearts. The naming of the things we loved about them rang throughout the house and through our deepest private places -- and honor and memory conjoined in a two-hour search through our most grateful understanding of what impact they made on each of us. The exercise and joyous celebration far outweighed the reminder sadness accompanies the effort to remember.
We didn’t see the movie, but somehow, at least for me, Christmas meant more than ever. After the last name was read, remembered and celebrated, I combined the names of friends with the family names and determined to celebrate one person each day for the rest of my life. Now, each day I reach into the tin and remove a name and reflect on the contributions and love I enjoyed from that person. Each day is named for them and my prayers are those of thanks and a determination to pass on their efforts and avoid waste. This is a legacy of appreciation I leave with my children – the reminder to celebrate the lives that have shaped us. It’s easy to remember those in front of us, but it’s those behind us that had our backs and helped us arrive where we are. Forgetting is not an option for me and my advantages and opportunities are appreciated.
When you get this letter know that it was sent only to those who took that Christmas card moment to remember us. With two thousand sent and two hundred received, the 10 percent rule continues to apply to life and we are honored to be in your thoughts.
With all my heart, when the last breath leaves my body and I’ve done the best that I’m able, I hope I’ll be a “Sliver In Your Tin.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“It is the lives that have connected with ours that make us the accumulative that we are.” Jim Redwine
“God: Slow me down when I forget to remember and remind me daily that my debts are many.” Jim Redwine
WHAT REALLY MATTERS
It was about 8:00 PM on a school night when my son informed me he had a project due the next morning. On several occasions -- with four children -- I had heard similar words. We hastened to the Hobby Lobby to concede a ten-point grade reduction for using a kit, but with little surprise to me they had sold out. The mousetrap car would have to be built from scratch with materials around the house. Three years earlier my younger daughter had included me in almost the same scenario. Together we built the ugliest nonfunctional, most worthless rolling nightmare imaginable.
With no instructions brought home and no diagrams, my son and I proceeded with the project, scouring for a host of paraphernalia and tools to create our masterpiece. To add bad luck to misfortune, I had a 5:00 AM date with a freezer the next morning and needed to complete the project with efficiency as well as accuracy. If practice always made you good, this was to be our finest year!
The car’s main requirement was to travel 30 feet by propulsion of a tripped mousetrap extended post attached to a coil of string and a functional wheel axle. The entire car was homemade except for the torso of the mousetrap. The first prototype traveled about ten feet, but looked good and was extremely innovative. We changed everything about the vehicle at least four times to include the wheels, axles, strings, post, body and levers. Each launch and test was met with new optimism and hope, but unrewarded with results. Our continued failures were comical and we laughed so hard we cried, rolling on the ground. If laughter truly extends our lives we both picked up a few years that night.
The fifth and final version returned us to the best looking and most functional car we could make with our limited instructions and components. We decided to settle for our best and hope for some input from friends at school before the test. At 4:00 AM we hugged goodnight as I prepared for an old friend – the one hour power nap.
The next afternoon faith rewarded my son with the gift of wax string and post relocation in ten minutes for an A on the project with a little help from some friends. The diamond had been cut but the polish made it shine.
Of course, the real A was the time, laughter and bond my son and I shared together and the irreplaceable decision to turn procrastination into an opportunity instead of a lesson. I will wish for all my children the vision to embrace all life’s special moments and sacrifice everything necessary to protect and perpetuate “What Really Matters.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“If parenting received a report card, there have been a few days I would have to stay after school.” Jim Redwine
“God, grant me patience to see past my inconvenience into my life’s deepest meaning.” Jim Redwine
MELTED AWAY
My wife had gone for a four day trip to Washington, D.C., for business. Despite a busy schedule each evening, we include each other in dinner plans, movies and a host of dates to remind each other we are important. Missing her goes without saying and leaving only my younger son and me it is very noticeable when she is gone. My first priority is to make myself totally available to him, but not smother or expect dramatic changes or demands on his normal routine. From her departure I detected extra effort from him to see I had a partner for everything I did. We spent great quality time together and exercised some freedom -- enjoyable and second only to the privilege of having his mom back in our routine.
For me the time at best could be making lemonade and we settled for the two musketeers. As luck would have it, one of my wife’s favorite events manifested itself in her absence and a freezing mixture of icy weather blanketed the area. The two of us had grabbed a bite to eat and settled in for the onslaught with some TV and snacks. With the disbelief accompanied by an early cancellation of school the next day, I suggested my son call a neighbor and his mom, a school teacher, for verification. While the verification was realized so was the invitation for my son to join his friend for the evening and next day. In the last few weeks six had become three, three had become two and now down to one. With my son out the door and my wife’s zealousness for freezing blanket weather, being without her company became more difficult than ever.
When the phone rang with her nightly check-in we exchanged the events of our days and laughed not to cry over separation and the missed sharing of the weather. After a painful goodbye and explaining I was alone for the ice event, I did what I do best. Being one sixth whole I gathered my ski clothes and took the hike we all love so much alone. At eleven o’clock the streets and yards were totally frozen over and a vehicle was a scarcity on the streets. Also scarce was another living soul. Truthfully, I loved the walk and the cold adventure, thinking heavily of so many times with the family. I wished for each of them and the intoxication of their laughter, input and ability to electrify life.
It was important for me to take advantage of the event in their absence and to pursue the healthy living of life without them when it is presented to me. It takes the kind of courage that doesn’t come naturally but practice makes perfect. Sometimes there just isn’t a substitute and it’s okay to go it alone.
About the time I returned to undress and settle back in, my younger son called and asked if I would join him and a friend on an exploratory walk and cold weather play. The fact that I had been was never spoken and I leapt at the chance to be with them. Whether it was fear of curfew, added protection, the more the merrier or a deep sense of family and tradition, I was grateful to be included.
We walked to Foster Park, borrowed two sleds and slid down hills until 3:00 a.m. before taking the long, cold walk home. Not a single person was on the slippery hills with us and with the exception of a few horseplay vehicles and pair of walkers we saw no one. We knew our short window would be erased by the sun the next morning and we seized our opportunities and were glad and grateful.
There is no doubt some walks alone are in my future and some grand events will be met by mostly memories, but the fact that great appreciation comes from what we can’t always have or control is a gift. Life’s joys and opportunities don’t punch a time clock and present themselves without warning and discretion for the hour and seizing them is a decision that can’t haunt you at a later date. With the difficulty of always taking advantage and still coping with voids, I can’t imagine having had a different set of priorities all these years. So much comes so occasionally and so little can be done about missed opportunities.
It’s the investment in family that makes every aspect of life so rewarding and delightful. We can sleep when we are dead, so feel free to wear yourself out on every wondrous moment that is presented to you. I will continue to meet the son at the door and the sun starting each day, but always remember which came first. A walk with someone I love before the chance “Melted Away.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“Life and the ability to live it is a lot like ice, it takes perfect conditions to create it and a short time to erase it.” Jim Redwine
“God, instill in me the appreciation to recognize my life’s greatest moments and exercise my courage to accept the ups and downs of living.” Jim Redwine
HELP FROM YOUR PAST
Almost everything I do has more than one reason. Reflection is a huge part of my life and much of the time what I do is incorporated with something someone did for me or benefited me in some way. To know my grandfather, henceforth “Papa” to you as well, was to love and respect him. He was truly that guy who would give the shirt off his back to a stranger in need and he shared with others to the brink of poverty himself. Past marginal comfort was a waste to him and I believe most days he awoke thinking how he would help and make a difference.
One of my favorite things he did for me was to keep a big change bag between visits. He would save all his change each day and ask me when I visited if I would like to have the “Papa bag.” It was a thrill to receive it and made me feel really special. I was always frugal with it and was careful to use it wisely. It was one of the ways of holding on to him until I saw him again.
Some things I bought helped remind me of him on a daily basis. Long after he’s been gone, I meticulously save my change and think of him each day, along with my children as I’m sure he did of me. For me it’s not about the accumulative but more about the daily effort to remember and plan for the next sighting. Regardless of the age of my children, they seem so young when I present the bag for careful division. It’s a special time to see the excitement, appreciation and culmination of the joint project of separation. Memories come flooding into my mind and another part of Papa is preserved and passed along through his grandchildren.
Thursday Boy preschoolers through the years have also been graced by his influence and had Papa bags where we saved and created a fund for dollar store and lunch trips. The chances to explain and share the traditions mean a lot to me and I can feel his smile on my heart. Keeping the actions and practices of those we love represent the best kinds of heredity and ones we can truly control. Patterning ourselves from the best of all we encounter insures us a healthy, happy and meaningful life.
The patchwork quilt that each of us becomes will provide maximum warmth from the quality choices we make to emulate. Anytime something causes us to remember and be grateful daily is a great addition to our character and repertoire of regimens. It’s pretty safe to assume if it meant a lot to you it’s worth passing on to the next appreciative recipient. Honor those who contribute to your aggregate and don’t forget when you look in the mirror to realize the reflection had a lot of “Help from Your Past.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The obvious advantages of love are minute compared to the eternal subtleties.” Jim Redwine
“God, thank you for the blessings of gifts that reassure and validate us daily.” Jim Redwine
OFF YOUR CHEST
My wife had a really busy week at work and also had taken a business trip to Washington, D.C., which required her to use her days off in transit and to write orders dictated and required by her job description. While it was of interest and enjoyable, it also was a pressure and timing burden. Surrounded by business associates more than friends, she was exhausted from having to be “on” the entire week. Sharing a room with people who might be judging your performance and professionalism, having to always look your absolute best and zero time to let your hair down can be exhausting and was. Time to read a book, not talk, receive or make an enjoyable phone call other than to check in and just have a moment to call your own hadn’t been in the cards and left her a little tense.
She being a bottler and I being a venter, our first day back together had been somewhat interesting. We tend to take turns being patient and unreasonable, a successful practice in marriages that last and have a chance, so I found a rock to crawl under as soon as the first snap took a finger and I got the “me time” speech. I slipped into my gentlest mode and did what I do best in relationships – take the pressure off by overcompensating and creating humor to allow two to laugh at one. I took up a little work slack around the house, made myself scarce, granted extra space and planned my onslaught of devious laughter and grumpy acknowledgement. I retired to the restroom and with the precision of a tattoo artist working backwards, I wrote “Me Time” in large black letters with a permanent Marks-a-lot across my chest and slightly lower than the small of my back.
In the normal course of an evening both were discovered, the last even funnier than the first from the mere persistence and extent of the joke – twice. We laughed so hard it hurt and great hugs followed the discoveries -- with sincere apologies. The heavy had become weightless and the insignificant had taken its rightful place in nowhere.
The following morning I had been saddled with the honor of awaiting the AT&T repairman to alleviate our home phone line static. In all my businesses I generally operate within an hour time window and generally lose my mind when I’m asked to deal with a four to six from others. I lined up several work projects at home and tasked the hours away. Finally the doorbell rang and I answered it with much more hospitality than I felt. I encouraged the young man to enter and check inside. He looked at me with fear and pain, while exclaiming he would check the outside first -- with the hopes he would not have to. It was an awkward and unsettling exchange and I dismissed it as caution and bad experiences.
I shut the door, shook my head and went to brush my teeth. As I entered the bathroom in my gym shorts, I began to laugh so hard I feared a punctured lung. There in the mirror “me time” was alive and well and somewhere out there was a young man seeking therapy. The joke and lightheartedness had replayed itself on me and I had enjoyed the spontaneity and surprise I had intended for another.
Life is truly too short to abstain from comedic investment and attempted relaxation of the damaging stress we invent for ourselves. Work your magic on those you love and don’t be surprised when the efforts you make find their way “Off Your Chest.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The cost of peace is as cheap as the stroke of a pen.” Jim Redwine
“God, thanks for the gift of a sense of humor, the courage to exercise it, and the proof through me you started it.” Jim Redwine
ARROW OF A DIFFERENT KIND
Christmas gets a lot of attention compared to other occasions for numerous and obvious reasons. Not quite as obvious is Valentine’s Day, but if you believe love is greater than even faith and hope as I, you can’t help but embrace it as more than a day of cupids and confection hearts. It is also more than a day of a significant other but, more importantly, it is about having someone.
The people who don’t fit in that box – the widowed, unattached, divorced, lonely, children, late blooming teenagers, introverted, single parents and a host of categories one could conjure up and neatly classify -- all need someone to value them on the day of heart to heart. In a lifetime of ups and downs, a complicated world of relationships, and the fact all of us initially begin as children without a significant other, all of us experience the secondary fulfillment at some point in our lives of someone fulfilling our heart’s day.
Let it be clear during any of these given times that secondary is not second but primary. It’s the transitions that help us to something even more fulfilling and rewarding. It’s the people who love us and care that transport us to a better place at another time. Their protection and acknowledgement of our worth allow us to blossom into something worth sharing on another level in a different relationship. How lucky each day, each week, each month and each year we enjoy the company of one other we can celebrate such a day and our lives with.
But on each day of our lives, as well as this one, our real attention should include making sure we are a part of that bridge of inclusion and worth recognition in others. True loneliness can’t have a healthy chance if we all strive to fill the interims of others with support, love and inclusion.
Eventual opportunity takes care of us all when we are staged with love all around us. Hats off to an occasion that reminds us how lucky we are to have that special partner and a chance to fill in for the future of someone else we value and love.
Share your security, look past your own good fortune and feel free to release an “Arrow of a Different Kind.”
YFTC and ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“God, thanks for what I have, the memory of when I didn’t and the chance to help others through the same.”
"Our own happiness alerts us of our ability and position to share it.” Jim Redwine
NO WINNERS
Growing up on a block with a dozen or so other guys close to my age made me quite fortunate in many respects. We rode our bikes all over town together, got in our fair share of mischief and spent every possible hour outdoors, always creating something to do. Occasionally we had weight lifting competitions and boxing matches. Always coming in second in weight lifting, I redeemed myself in the proverbial ring with quick hands, a mean hook and good hand-eye coordination.
One of the girls our age, a pretty fair tomboy, wanted to box the champ. Girls reaching maturity first, she actually outweighed me and was considerably taller. She was quite outspoken, taunting and insistent she could take any of us. My friends volunteered me and I repeatedly told her it was a bad idea and that she would get hurt. She exclaimed that if I didn’t let her box she would tell her brothers on me, three and six years older than I.
On went the gloves and I began to dodge her aggression and overconfidence. I took punches and avoided most contact and she most definitely took advantage of my hesitation to fight back. A series of offenses resulted in my automatic defense and I rounded a punch with a touch of forgetfulness. I exploded a shot to her face and broke and bloodied her nose. She covered her face, lying on the ground with the large black awkward mittens and exclaimed that she was telling her brothers. She jumped up and disappeared into the house five doors down from where we were. I had eight doors down past her house to get home and I took off like the wind to safety. Moments later my mother met the oldest brother of three at the door – there to exact his revenge. He met his match and I remained in the air conditioned safety of my room while the situation had time to cool down.
About fifteen years later I was coaching an “A” league softball team and one of my teammates brought his extremely athletic girlfriend and asked is she could play. I went along with it and figured we could play her in the most benign place possible. When we took the field she insisted that first base was her forte and I vocally and concernedly explained how hard I threw, along with many of the infielders. She laughed and insisted she could handle it. The first hit of the game a screaming groundball came to me at short and the batter had a set of wheels to die for. I ripped a throw to first after a time wasting bobble and struck the girl right in the nose. She had missed the ball completely and “breakage and blood” was an understatement. In all those years I had failed to learn much.
The moral of the story wasn’t to refrain from playing with girls or not to mix sexes and athletics. The part that had escaped me both times and so many between was to trust my instincts and do what I think best. Repeating history was especially aggravating because I hurt people doing something I didn’t even want to do. Life has the unique ability to heal stupidity. After boxing Edith’s nose I joined her brother’s chapter of Phi Delta Theta and we became good friends and my friend’s girlfriend continued in semipro women’s division softball and we all have been lifelong friends. Enough trouble comes our way without endeavoring what doesn’t feel right as well.
When it comes to dealing with children, it is imperative that we set an example of courage, stand on our convictions, and be willing to abstain from what goes against our better judgment. Avoiding the healing process altogether is still the best preventative medicine and if you think you should not -- just don’t. Sometimes in a fight there are “No Winners.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“Real courage and convictions require no proof beyond ourselves.” Jim Redwine
“God, teach me to walk a path that leaves no victims.” Jim Redwine
ENJOY THE POSSIBILITIES
New Year’s Eve is always a very private celebration for my wife and me. We don’t need to be surrounded by hordes of people to have a good time. A romantic dinner, a movie and one on one time is the recipe for a great start to the New Year as we manage to make our excuses to the party opportunities. There are so many holidays that require such large numbers of people and fanfare that I believe we have become appreciative of spending a few with just us.
With three children 18 and over and the fourth approaching rapidly, we are the absolute last thing any of them imagine as part of their evening. It’s an adjustment for us, having done everything together for so long. Right or wrong, kids have been our life for so long we are doing our best to adjust and reinvent ourselves.
This past New Year’s Eve we received a special vote of confidence from all our children home for the holidays. We were asked and became the to and fro taxi service to all their parties for them, their friends, and significant others. It was an interruption in our plans absorbed with the delight of a chance to stare quietly into the looking glass. We delivered the young adults to their various destinations, all within a five mile radius and were grateful for the close proximity. Being on call, we resumed our private agenda and waited for our opportunity to serve and secure all the young adults.
After a heavenly evening the calls began to arrive with the multiple destinations and instructions. One last call preempted the final joy of involvement and peace of mind. My son, noticeably shaken, called and explained he had been robbed at gunpoint on Greene Street, about one block from the party. He had gotten the munchies and hiked to Jack-in-the-Box, a few blocks down and over.
On the way back, about six houses from the party, four men jumped from a car, surrounded him, put a gun to his head and demanded his wallet and the phone he was talking on. With his judgment altered from alcohol, walking and talking on the phone, being alone and the darkness had all made him the perfect target. With zero money in his wallet and a phone worth $5.00 on a stolen market, life and death had cheaply approached my billion dollar child. Without as much as a bruise, the four disappeared in the same second they arrived.
Thankfully, my son’s courage gathered after they had left and the scenarios ran through his mind of his conquest over them while the scenarios ran through my mind of burying him. Having some ins I made a call to friends to trace the cell phone and the culprits were apprehended with the phone and my son’s driver’s license quickly becoming exhibit A. We made the 4:00 am drive downtown to make a statement, collect his things and learn that at least three other robberies had been perpetrated before my son’s. The crime spree had left no one hurt but hopefully many more aware.
A new awareness of being more careful and not becoming a target was obvious, but more important was the value of each day in a world of uncertainty. Our inability to control each element of our day, our human frailty and breach of judgments and the fact we must venture out to truly live makes us vulnerable. We can be more careful with life but often life may be less careful with us. Protecting children in so many ways is a huge part of my life and fiber and in that interim of dropping off and picking up I had failed to protect my son.
The hardest thing I do is grant my children the space to make, live and endure their own decisions. Hindsight is 20/20 and the future is a blur but I understand to see clearly somewhere between is to keep my faith and understand to really live is to take risks. Limiting our exposure and thinking through our decisions carefully does not assure us safety or longevity. Nothing is for sure except the moment and our ability to inhale the magnificent breath of life we are blessed with.
Appreciate your children, understand every contact could be your last, and never let your fear dictate your ability to “enjoy the possibilities.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Jim Redwine
“Faith requires us to understand God doesn’t make bad things happen to us but that we can count on him being there to guide us when they do.” Jim Redwine
“God, thank you for the life of my son and every minute we have to build on it.” Jim Redwine.
THREE PARTIES AND A PLAY
The Christmas season had set upon us once again and despite my gift of no schedule to Thursday Boys we found ourselves overbooked and unusually busy. Running a large family I find myself answering a lot of calls, requests for help and most glorious of all the invitations to other special events and to be a spectator of some of life’s greatest gifts. It’s an honor to be thought of when a project or workload arises as a vote of confidence and faith in your ability and work ethic. But just as wonderful is the thought to include me in something personal and family oriented. To be asked to a sporting event, party, play or landmark event is really special.
The message is always the same: you belong, we care, and you are more to us than someone to attend. It’s the best kind of inclusion and what someone may find a burden I tend to welcome – whether work, play or just a chance to be a spectator. I live a magical life, and no small part is the sense of community and personal contact with others I enjoy. It’s the opposite of an artillery game where it feels great to be hit from all sides.
This particular night the docket was heavy and I started work early to accommodate a heavy evening of quick burst appearances. Several close friends were throwing separate parties, one of my men’s groups was having a get-together and I had promised three separate Thursday children I would attend their outdoor Christmas play. All four were welcomed and in spite of the fact the evening was crowded and choices could be made, I felt the normal obligation to make an appearance at them all.
As my family converged home after a hard day’s work and frolic on the part of my children, I found myself the only one left with the energy and desire to complete the evening. With nothing but respect I accepted each one’s space and decision to abstain from the evening. While it was tempting to snuggle in, I was driven by my promises and need to express my gratitude and investment in the people who had extended the invitations and included me in their plans and lives. Going to anything alone when others are surrounded by families and or spouse takes courage, confidence and fortitude, which still makes it tough. It’s the absolute unknown if you will find that comfort zone of inclusion and involvement that dismisses the sinking feeling that you are a spectacle or out of place.
While knowing many who would attend the parties, the real question of the night would be if Christmas would fill my heart attending alone. The decision to attend all was made and I began my evening with the trip to Overton Methodist and the birth of Christ reenactment. I made my way to the raised mound area where chairs encircled the actors and scenery below. The spectacle was marvelous and the real animals, including donkeys, sheep and a camel were incredible. The characters were dressed in authentic apparel of the times and the aggregate before my eyes transported me back to the times of kings and an infant of promises. My quick appearance and social obligation turned into the compelling commitment to pledge myself to the finish.
The play was splendid and a second play began as I looked on at the children to whom I had made promises. Three dads no less than the kings before me came and stood with me throughout the play. Their welcoming smiles and handshakes and the willingness to share their night wrapped me in a blanket of inclusion and I was transformed on two separate levels. Amongst friends I stood and watched the greatest story of time unfold and I was swept deep into the spirit of Christmas – my first plunge into the real meaning of the season. Innocence led us all back to the basics of our existence, and the promise of our salvation and I couldn’t imagine my absence from the opportunity. The dads who had noticed my solitude and presence out of my element and included me had given me the peace and comfort to absorb the larger picture portrayed below us by children that we all belong.
The message was clear above and below that the extension of hand and heart saves us all rang through the crispness of the night. The best had not been saved for last and the prayer went out of gratefulness for the power of children to connect us, the reminder for us to love each other and the glorious opportunity for “Three Parties and a Play.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Jim Redwine
“God, I saw your face on those you put in my path and enjoyed the promise of inclusion.” Jim Redwine
“Nothing ventured, nothing gained is the tip of what we miss when our fear outweighs our faith.” Jim Redwine
PROVIDING IT
More often than not St. Patrick’s Day has always been spent on the road by the Redwines. It falls on spring break and the leprechaun always visits the resort we stay in, leaving his brand of mischief and a trail of gold coins, greenery and some cold hard cash for the kids. It’s a relatively simple holiday that doesn’t ever include a green beer for any of us but does remind us how lucky we are.
The holiday rests exactly between my wife and my younger son’s birthdays, giving us three on the road celebrations in the short week we are gone. Since the trip is usually skiing there are few complaints from the Montana girl, the avid snow boarder and the rest of the mountain and snow loving clan. It’s a welcomed and cherished interruption of our rhythm and routine – an adventure out of our element and into our dreams.
All the while focused on how lucky we are, I can’t help but think about so many parts of our lives that aren’t. Those things that come from the best of us, the intentional efforts to make a difference, sacrifice and the daring to share a softer and loving side of ourselves. The Thursday of our vacation was a time of reflection for me, as well as the realization that if I missed the children in one week, I should prepare for the three month sabbatical quickly approaching.
In my reflection I thought of the Thursday before when we once again stuck out our tongues at the weather and shared another mud day together and the events that touched that deepest place in my heart where peace is uninterruptible. When Mrs. Moore, with no children of her own in attendance, brought an assortment of rainproof plastic bags to the field to protect vehicles and children from the aftermath of our adventure. What a privilege it was to participate in a tire change with Mr. Lacy at a favorite dinner spot for a total group of strangers, ill equipped, distressed and solution-less. How special it was to find Mr. Jolin had made Thursday Dad T-shirts available to our pops. That six parents offered to drive black caps bowling and parents who are still a couple offered to step up and help me with KWD.
Those random acts of kindness and caring that lift us for the day and remind us how important it is to keep that torch of compassion lit in even our darkest days. That ability to set aside our own agenda long enough to remind someone else they are important and cared for. In these things there is no sight of luck – just a firm commitment to change a perspective and plant a seed of compassion.
For me, the greenest day of the year will always invoke visions of rainbows, pots of gold and green bearded little people, but more so for everything it’s not. Effort is no accident and most good things don’t happen by themselves. The best luck is to know good people who don’t count on it and never let it keep them from “Providing It.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“Whoever said I’d rather be lucky than good didn’t have much to share.” Jim Redwine
“God, keep me green all year and let luck take its place as the cherry on an already fabulous sundae.” Jim Redwine
MAKE SURE YOUR CHILD WILL SEE IT
It would be more than fair to say I take a considerable amount of ribbing over my lack of attention to and participation in technology. I don’t text, use emails or use a computer except to view the Thursday Boy website. I love the cards and letters I send and receive and advocate the personal touch. My friends are hard on me and make me the butt of a mountain of jokes, but they rarely hold a candle to my immediate family. My wife, personally as dedicated, escapes most of the criticism having to participate with technology in the work place. What often starts as a joke by our children can quickly become disrespectful, condescending and general overkill.
They don’t intentionally try to demean or devalue my place or authority, but it happens. It’s a little like Richard Prior used to joke about his neighborhood revisited when talking of his old friends and acquaintances. “I remember you – you weren’t nothing then and you ain’t nothing now – give me a dollar.” The children forget the grind of providing a nice home, neighborhood and all the amenities of a good life, none larger and more difficult than the college education.
Sometimes grateful is replaced with contempt and the confusion that they are somehow in a higher place and better equipped to cope with life. Even for a sophisticated, highly educated and organized person it can be difficult to weather the inadequacy questions and the barrage of subtle accusations. Combined with the normal teenage and young adult behavior and the fact that there is nothing they don’t know, it requires more patience than I sometimes have. I’ve quite frankly developed a look that signals my children I’ve had enough and a single word is rarely required. On the small stuff I don’t sweat and the intermediate things I do, severity of correction varies greatly.
Recently my phone stopped working in the middle of a work day carrying into Thursday and creating a host of professional and personal hardships. It made people worry, it inconvenienced others and, most important of all, it kept my entire family from communicating. My immediate thought was we had not mailed the bill off before our spring break ski trip. My wife retrieved the unopened bill and opened it to pay over the phone to restart our service as soon as possible. When she called me in the room for a look I was shocked to find $9,100 due upon receipt. We just knew it was a mistake and I had already fashioned my back up suspicions that my daughter had created it with international calls to her boyfriend.
A short while back all four of our children had gone to the phone store together and all received upgraded phones, which meant to me they probably signed us up for two more years with a slick salesman. They all got the latest wrinkle for free. As we tried to locate the glitch and figure out what KB meant on the main number entrees we finally got the bottom line of the enormous charges. One of our children, remembering the salesman said everything’s limitless, used the ability to tap into Media Net-a-Service -- not provided in the new plan the fabulous four had instigated with the help of the AT&T professional salesperson. The $9,100 bill was not a billing error, mistake of phone use, off the hook accident, but the exorbitant and excessive use of a new toy, misunderstood and lurking to destroy.
Sometimes, especially during critical times, my temper has gotten more than the best of me on lesser matters. The arrogance of the children that their parents don’t get technology and the fact that they had failed to investigate the consequences and use of the program they instigated made me furious. My wife broached our child first and with calm and patience, but still met with panic, desperation and an emotional tearful response. When she came back into our bedroom explaining our child offered to sell the car, work it off and do anything, I realized exactly what I had to do.
A peace came over me when I realized what my child feared most was my response and wrath and would do anything to avoid it. I thought of how a young person can believe something is the end of the world as they know it and how our huge mistakes help us realize anything can and will be survived. I thought of young people who take their lives in despair because they become confused at what is most valuable. I thought of how the confusion starts with a parent who overreacts and places the importance of the situation over the mental health of a child. Our responses can have life altering meaning for better or worse and our kids need us most when things seemingly are at their worst.
I marched into the child’s room and said, “What I want you to worry about is what your golf score is and who you’re going to date. Your dad will handle this, no one is selling a car, everyone makes mistakes and we all love you very much. I administered a backrub, the tuck in version for a young adult and returned to my bedroom for the night. The wake up call for my four children and the devastation of misunderstanding the price of technology was nothing compared to a father’s awakening to protect the self-confidence, emotional health, stability and compassion for his child.
Pivotal opportunities that present themselves to us must never be squandered by our failure to show our unconditional love. When we have everything to lose and nothing to gain is when our parenting must supersede our most basic and misplaced emotions. Sure, it’s a fact that tomorrow is a new day and the sun will rise – the trick is to “make sure your child will see it!”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
In memory to all those fallen in the face of despair, lack of hope and feelings of failure. Jim Redwine
“God, grant me the patience and compassion to provide my child the lesson of grace.” Jim Redwine
“The only real loss we face is the chance to unconditionally support and love our children while we can.” Jim Redwine
“May the face of Christ be on all that we endeavor.” Jim Redwine
May compassion, forgiveness, hope, faith and love fill your house and your family...
EXTRA LARGE CANDLE
We had entered the restaurant seven weary travelers trying to catch a nice dinner before the last three hour-leg of our two days on the road. For me the refueling was a chance to further awaken myself while the others guaranteed themselves a more sound rest. The stop seemed made to order with all of us being huge fans of Mexican food. We quickly exited the passenger van, climbing over each other’s treasures, luggage and entertainment centers.
We were quickly seated and began our experience with a bowl of queso, which was easily the worst I had ever tasted and proclaimed inedible by each and every one of us. The energetic and kind young man waiting on us graciously took it away on our request and later took it off our bill. As most everyone’s entrée arrived – most was sub-par at best, with the possible exception of the two sharing fajitas, which were marginal.
The hot sauce was absolutely the strangest and most unappetizing and the amenities of the table were offbeat and forced together. Even the chips and tortillas had their own flair for the unusual. The statements of several close friends of mine came to life as I remembered their comments of how they missed good Mexican food and there was absolutely nothing in Colorado for them – one especially lonesome for the delicacies in Estes Park.
Our waiter worked through our misery with a smile on his face and remained positive and accommodating, trying to work with what he had. The hundred or so dollars I was to spend on disappointment haunted me throughout the meal and I was embarrassed that my wife’s true birthday meal was such a bust. The trip up was always on her birthday and down was my son’s – two birthdays wrapped around a ski trip added expectations and celebration difficulties for me and I pursued satisfaction for everyone involved.
After the meal we ordered dessert, three flans to be exact and my imagination ran wild as to what could possibly be awaiting us. Throughout the meal the young waiter had a difficult time translating and understanding our English into his Spanish, but I did my best letting him know quietly that I needed a birthday candle for my wife’s flan. After an arduous discussion with a flurry of my sign language accompanying my words, he set off to achieve and obtain his task. Consistent with our experience that evening, an unrealistic amount of time went by, waiting for his completed mission.
A young lady came from the kitchen with our flan, followed by the young man smiling, extra pep in his step and a look of accomplishment. She set the flan before us and the young man handed me the matches and the candle – a purple candle about 16 inches long, suitable for a candelabra for a concert piano – with a straight face and totally ready for kudos from us. We thanked him for his effort, ready to explode in laughter.
The entire dinner experience was transformed into an unforgettable moment of innocent accomplishment and effort. The literal need was satisfied with the overkill of best efforts offered and I welcomed the best that could be offered. One small component inserted into an otherwise disastrous experience forgave all the previous to get the prize.
It’s so true in life that unpleasantness and disappointment can be melted away by the simple blessings and small occurrences that remind us the road was worth the trip; that the effort always counts, regardless of whether or not the shoe is a perfect fit. The human spirit to accommodate each other’s happiness counts as in horseshoes and hand grenades. I think about a young person’s persistence to make a group of doubters and disbelievers regain their confidence in the value of trying and being relentless to please.
Too often our ideas of success are too narrow and limited. Real winners and people who add so much to our lives are those unwilling to quit firing upon missing the target. Recognizing effort and applauding consistency afford us much more opportunity than occasional pinpoint success. Keep in your heart those who endeavor, relax your expectations as a fellow human and don’t forget to lift the child with the “Extra Large Candle.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“Reward is rarely where and when we expect it, but mostly when we are open to it.” Jim Redwine
“God, when handed lemons remind me too to lift a candle to shed light on what really matters.” Jim Redwine
IT WAS RUBBER
I had gone on an 18-hour drive each way to Colorado on a few hours notice. My destination was Telluride, for all practical purposes a dead end to those without a four wheel drive vehicle. My office and overnight emergency preparedness kit always being ready, I reacted quickly to the lucrative but exhausting trip with urgency. I had approximately 48 hours to complete my mission and be standing on the Thursday Boy field by 3:00 Thursday. Never missing a Thursday in all these years is a pressure and record I dreaded the possibility of disappointing.
With the possibility of hundreds of things going wrong on the all too familiar squeeze play, I endeavored the opportunity with my usual courageous stupidity. The drive there without stopping for anything other than gas and a bite to eat was uneventful. With the load delivered and installed I began the psychologically easier part of the trip, anticipating home, my family and the blue sea of children. Early on my trip back in the town of Montrose I suffered a horrific blowout of a front tire. Pulling a trailer amplified the skill required to avoid a wreck and after a deep breath of relief I began the arduous task of changing to my spare. Knowing the risks of traveling great distances without a spare, I opted for the time precious stop at a tire store named “Big O Tires.” Despite being a man, perfectly capable of handling tire or car repairs and having means, it still unnerves me to be in a strange place, under duress, and being vulnerable to others’ receptiveness and time constraints.
In conjunction and consistent with my luck, the tire was warranted back home and I would have to return it in Fort Worth for credit and a switch out resulting in an extra tire. I explained my situation to the clerk and tire salesman and instead of taking advantage of my situation and stranded condition he suggested a good used tire from the stacks behind the store. He selected and mounted a tire that looked better than my other four, returned my spare underneath, fixed three stems and rid me of the ridiculous key locked lug nuts that had been so hard to deal with, replacing them with new easy access standard ones.
They treated me like I was the town mayor and I was a priority. The shock was when I was ready to pay the man explained there was no charge. The lug nuts were from a can of extras pulled from other vehicles, the stem extensions were non-inventory items and the tire was used and replaced with new ones. My bill was zero and they wished me a safe trip home.
It wasn’t the savings that blessed me but the miracle of being embraced in my vulnerable position by caring strangers. The service was way beyond business and had the face of Jesus written all over it. The extension of brotherly love, compassion and inclusion despite the fleeting chances of ever even meeting or crossing paths again. The absolute unconditional expression of concern for someone unconnected, with no attempt to exploit or receive gain. It was as fresh as the mountain air and the breath of kindness was mine to enjoy and celebrate.
Being on the other end of compassion’s exchange reminded me my path and journey are not wasted. I will continue to Samaritan where I am called and look for the discouraged and afraid. The tire is still on the left front of my truck and has logged over 40,000 miles of service, a miracle for a used freebie. It’s as worn out as I, but I haven’t had the courage to retire it from my sentiment. For me love that trip was its usual never ending circle with the simple exception that this time “IT WAS RUBBER.”
YFTC & ITSOO
Mr. Redwine
“Vulnerability becomes a vanquished state in the arms of compassion.” Jim Redwine
“God, thanks for the gift of people who embrace the value of a wayward stranger.” Jim Redwine
GROW YOUR FAMILY
Each family has to always decide what is right for them, what they expect and how they want to spend their time. Spring break and other times off have been private, nuclear and a time for us to reconnect from each of our rigorous schedules. The trips, family vacations and times together represent a chance for us to reevaluate and rediscover the special nature of our relationships. It’s not that we don’t love our friends – we just need the break to foster in our family the difficult task of being totally available, focused and appreciative. It was important for vacations to not be a continuation of a social process or who’s doing what with whom, a time to just grow us and walk away with a rejuvenated sense of who we are, our value and how we interconnect. A reminder of how much we matter to each other and the importance of a little time without outside forces and distractions.
As the children have become older the dynamics have undergone a metamorphosis that has required us as parents to examine our philosophy about what a family vacation means to each of us. When the children began to bring home significant others and foster special relationships, our focus was to adapt or dismiss and a shared child’s presence is far more important than a goal line stance in a game that doesn’t exist. With reservations and hesitations, primarily kept to ourselves, we have welcomed each child’s guest with open arms, a stiff upper lip and the knowledge that what fulfills their ever changing idea of satisfaction is still the most important to us. Inflexible, stubborn tunnel vision can cause a train wreck and our refusal to gamble togetherness in any form is a great bet at worst.
Our family unit has evolved into a broader and more accepting, inclusive group of people, flexible to each other’s wishes and interests. There is no doubt the changes are more difficult for those not invoking them, but the alternatives are totally unsatisfactory to a parent who values a child’s presence. So, as the suburban turns into a passenger van, the cost turns into a second mortgage and every nook and cranny becomes filled with the paraphernalia required by all – the dynamics readjust to the end result of spending time together anyway we can get it. And along with the circus-like atmosphere comes the epiphany that the change has reciprocations and tolerances unbeknownst to me.
This year a friend of mine, a hunting and athletic buddy all my adult life who has watched the children grow to adulthood, joined us at the slopes. Welcomed with open arms by my entire family, easy to have in every way and adding to the value of the trip and time together, I had the opportunity to see the flexibility and inclusion my children could and did exhibit. Our transition was not limited to them and our ability to reconnect with four young adults and their love interests was a valuable step into the next exciting facet of our lives. To reevaluate and grow is to prosper and to remain the same is to wither and eventually be alone. Everyone moves on and it is our choice whether we are with them. Adaptation is a beautiful thing and without it we fall short of our possibilities and ability to celebrate life and loved ones.
There will always be a tiny part of me tucked in a place I don’t have to share that misses those times with just us. The fact that little was wasted is a consolation and that nothing ever stays the same is a cold hard fact. But changing and rolling with the punches is essential in finishing the fight. Don’t waste a moment of whatever stage you’re in, welcome and be open to change greater than you and by all means, feel free to “Grow Your Family.”
YFTC &ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“Excuse it or lose it.” Jim Redwine
“God, thanks for the part of me that doesn’t insist on its own way.” Jim Redwine
MUCH THE SAME
As a young married man I bought a small house in the TCU area. The home looked like an English cottage and ivy draped the chimney and sides. The attic dormer windows were stained glass and the brick was a rustic antiqued pink, partially painted white. Peach and pecan trees complimented the property and an old rock wall and gates stood proudly from a simpler time. A Spanish oak tree, perfect for climbing, filled the small front yard and the green roof had an extremely tall pitch that accented the unusually pretty and welcoming start of my family’s life together. Hardwood floors ran throughout the entire house and the walls spoke of a quality gone by, never failing to provide a single nail a wooden stability for the treasures we hung.
The mock fireplace had a warmth all its own and beautiful purple and beige tile supported the white crown molded mantle with a simple elegance. Each morning filtered light danced through the sheer curtains through the abundance of windows each room enjoyed and the quaint, small closets assured necessity only at a quick reach. Any movement announced itself on the creaking flooring throughout the house with the exception of the one bathroom that serviced the six of us as we grew from two to six in number.
The garage leaned against a large angled beam that seemingly prevented the entire fall of the two thrown cat walls of the structure. The dirt floor of the garage, along with the gravel drive spoke of early middle America and the tiny porch cover assured that everyone got soaked in any given storm. The entirely floored attic provided space for two-thirds of our belongings, with an excellent heavy receding ladder that spoke of permanence when down.
The white and blue theme throughout the house was cheerful and refreshing and the French doors between rooms provided some separation to an otherwise flowing floor plan. The clear glass knobs on the doors with the key lock latches intrigued hands of visitors and family for the thirteen years we accumulated the power to upgrade.
The Jenn-Air stove and grill in the center of the kitchen lent a sense of modern convenience and created a spacious gathering place amongst the numerous barstools around the built in bar kitchen table. The backyard was neatly organized and a large spa made evenings a playful family affair. Plants and green thumb touches lined every possible nook of the property as my wife shared her talents and passions with the neighborhood and happy children’s laughter consumed the silence in every waking moment.
The last two years in the Waits home was made more difficult by the surrender of our bedroom to our children and the embracing of the fold-out sofa in the den as our new residence. It was the continuation of a lifetime of doing what we thought best for our children. The decision to move from the 1100 square foot house and nearly triple our space was difficult only from the standpoint of great memories and the appreciation of a home that had served us well. I still drive down the street and park in front of our old home and note the changes, usually for the worst and lose myself in a host of awesome memories and adventures.
Our new home with its extended front porch entry could keep an army dry, the sound garage fades the memory of the leaning dilapidated view from our kitchen window and the 3200 square feet give us the space to claim some necessary privacy for six adults. From one end of the house to another not a stir can be heard and large walk-in closets fill most rooms with a chance to store more blessings of a tangible nature. Three full baths ensure the laughter of the race to see who’s first is a memory and the carefully handset sprinkler is replaced by the automated sprinkler system. The Little Tykes blue pool with a slide is replaced with a full sized concrete version and the fireplace burns as well as it looks.
Knowing the three previous owners of our present home and the improvements they made makes me grateful. The gifts the Barnes, Blacks and Loftus families left us were the continuous upgrades and improvements we enjoy now. The things they loved were passed to us in much more than just a financial exchange.
We leave a huge part of ourselves in the places we grow in and out of and I pray the gifts we left still bring joy to those who reside in our absence. Sure, a home is what we make of it but even more what so many before us also made. To really appreciate is to recognize contributions and for me looking back and forward will continue to be “Much The Same.”
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“What you can’t buy continues to make the home.” Jim Redwine
“God, thanks for the presence of lives that enrich us before and after our journeys.” Jim Redwine
“The presence and absence of convenience or acquisition is dwarfed by our ability to create a positive memory and appreciation for what we have wherever we have or had it.” Jim Redwine
THURSDAY BOYS
Letter to Friends, Family, Alumni & Actives July
July 22, 2009
Dear Friends, Family, Alumni and Actives,
Summer is undoubtedly a time of reflection for me. It’s the framework for the up and coming school year, a time to plan and goal set, recharge and focus on what I should be doing and how to go about it. The summer also represents a lot of hard work, truthfully an abundance, that allows me to prepare for a season of dual service and responsibility.
It is the time in which with the passing of one week to the first Thursday, I realize I already miss the children. The absence truly makes the heart grow fonder and with the first year of a total lifting of the financial burden, I enter our 20th year with an opportunity to focus on my family and maintain Thursday Boys as a third full time job. Truly loving our 4,000 plus alumni contingent on nothing, I can express my gratitude to the 200 or so who made this past picnic and year possible.
While absolutely no individual can decide any one else’s investment or loyalty to a group, I find the numbers who quickly “move on” or forget those who were so instrumental to a “great start” for their children difficult to understand. My debt to Tanglewood will never be paid and with the training wheels off all my kids’ bikes, I have remained where they needed me most and others will in the future.
For all those who have passed and still give, for all those who have never benefited and give, and for those few who benefit now and will give long after they are gone, I thank you. It is a handful of the masses who continue to perpetuate the health, inclusion and leadership development of children past lip service.
The quilt that covers us is the connection of all the patches we’ve assembled along the way. That you have bothered to review yours is appreciated beyond your knowledge. Thank you for making Thursday Boys part of your quilt and for embracing all children with the zest you do for your own.
I stand 24/7 for you and spend each minute of my day in hope and prayer that such a highly organized and large youth group will remain as flexible, welcoming and nonpolitical as it has so many years before. Our strength is our inclusion, our promise is the children and our future is in our loyalty.
From my staff, the Board, my family and most importantly the children, thank you for a year of service, growth, opportunity and inclusion.
Love, ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
YFTC
(Yours For The Children)
An adult decides to spend a day with their kid, mentor thirty or so other kids, brave the weather, jump on some nauseating rides, walk 15-20 miles at a brisk pace and see to everyone’s safety and good times. Some adults even spent the night after playing games and watching a lengthy movie. What’s the big deal, right?
The simple fact is it’s a huge deal! Giving up a day’s pay, torturing your body to keep up with the most zealous of children, and agonizing over a constant head count and appendage aggregate is nothing short of an act of love. Those people who miraculously always seem to have more time than the rest of the population. Those people about whom we tend to make excuses of why they can manage what we can’t.
It’s simple – they give up something less important and keep their eye on the prize. A vanishing moment with their child simply outweighs the total sum of everything else that tugs at them. A little less sleep, a little more hustle, a lot more juggling, and the sense to grasp what will shortly leave their reach.
Even more elusive to the masses is the ability to love children equally and dismiss favoritism of ones own child in a group setting. This year’s Six Flags trip had the honor of nine such adults who loved your children like they were theirs. Their safe return and stories of adventure and fun were no accident.
Thanks to those who give relentlessly and continue to be “Yours for the Children.”
ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
THURSDAY BOYS - LETTER TO DADS
July 22, 2009
Dear Dads,
What a great experience Dads’ Night Out was this year. It was great getting to know you all better and sharing the fellowship your children have enjoyed with their new and old friends. I have always contended that Will Rogers was a little off with “Never met a man I didn’t like.” Again, with you all I find myself leaning toward “I never got to know a man I didn’t like.”
All of you are such tremendous individuals and personalities with an abundance of talents. It was nothing short of an honor spending time with you this year on so many Tuesdays. The circle of friendship awaits many of you – a Thursday Boy type Hall of Fame for fathers and I am so privileged to rub elbows with all of you.
Many of you have kept me in stitches, entered into deep conversations of faith and family, challenged me physically and provoked life changing thoughts. The health of men bonding, the benefits to family done in moderation, and the chance to hug, share and love are irreplaceable. Our collective strength to bond creates an unbreakable protective barrier around our children and a brotherhood of concern to embrace each other’s family and life.
To enter the elusive acceptance usually reserved only for blood family is a gift. I hope you will continue to grow your family and circles of friendship, knowing anything less is a waste. The strongest man any of us can be is a loving, involved, inclusive and well-balanced father, friend and husband. The true Litmus test for friendship will continue to be those who remain through the toughest of times, are there for the hard work and challenges, and love you even when you disappoint them.
I hope from this group each of you has made such a rare friend. I look forward to seeing you all on Tuesdays this next school year on an as can basis, and I hope your summer with your family is nothing short of magical with phenomenal memory making.
Love, ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
