PRESENCE OF GREATNESS
It was one of those days that you know in advance is going to be special and despite your best efforts you won't be able to ruin it. I was to play golf with both my sons and to meet my older daughter and her boyfriend for basketball directly after having lunch with my younger daughter. The day started with breakfast with my younger son and we laughed more than usual as we played a quick game of table football - an inappropriate activity at a public restaurant that I intend to quit doing immediately after my death.
As I absorbed the first of the special day, I noticed an elderly couple to my left sharing a senior plate and fruit crepe dessert. They reminded me of another couple in appearance and I thought of that couple I had seen eating with a friend the week before. Then, the two had been stoic, scowling, bitter and exchanged only a handful of sharp jabs at each other's methods of operation. In the little they spoke there was no eye contact and the table resembled a New York side walk cafe' where two strangers shared only a tabletop. I had been sad for them and realized their misery was in addition to the array of challenges old age presents in general. The candle was blown out and the burnt wick and puddle of wax was all that was left between them. You could feel the contempt they held for each other.
My mind summoned me back from the unpleasant as I saw the old man reach past the crepe and cup the woman's hand and smile. Their body language was that of admiration and kindness and attentiveness. Their bodies were heavily aged and any movement was challenging; their clothes were three decades outdated and the frugalness of their purchases spoke of a time which had financially consumed the best of well-laid plans. In all this, their circumstances were dwarfed by their spirit and resolve to bring joy to each other.
As I arranged with our mutual server to pick up their check, I conditioned it to include anonymity. When discovered by them, you honestly would confuse their reaction with a lottery win and the joy of watching them light up the section with appreciation and wonder was priceless. The acquisition of their check was not an act of compassion as much as it was a tribute to their lives and ability to fulfill them.
I tackled the remainder on my day a little wiser and more grateful than before and stood in awe at the consistency, longevity and persistence of the two. Kindness never goes out of style and the chances to brush up against those who have discovered the secret is to be in the "Presence of Greatness."
YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
"The best inspiration for a successful journey is from someone who has taken one." Jim Redwine
"God, it was my money but I'm the one who was treated!" Jim Redwine
STORIES
by Mr. Redwine
MAKE A PLACE
It's difficult to communicate or help someone visualize the status of a single grandson amongst an all female group of granddaughters. Whether it was all in my mind or not, I'm not sure -- but I believed it is and that is all that really counts. Both my mother's parents treated me like royalty, defended my questionable behavior and actions and supported me in every way humanly possible. I was a rarity in that generation of offspring on that side of the family and it created a niche in which I felt quite comfortable, wanted and appreciated.
My grandfather gave me his Oldsmobile, always saved his change in a big bank bag for me for my visits, and always made a special effort to embrace my craziest projects and endeavors. A water moccasin had chased me near a pond and quickly became the recipient of a single shot 20 gauge and was skinned in the den with my uncle's knife he had gifted me years before. I have little doubt that my Papa would have tolerated the antics from anyone else. The skin still hangs on the wall in my boys' room as a reminder of his tolerance.
Having five gorgeous cousins wasn't very hard to endure, as well, and I often was the recipient of more than my share of attention and affection. It's little wonder I cried every time I waved everyone off and then ourselves. We always left family gatherings last and I can still close my eyes and see my grandparents waving from the back steps. "Little Jimmy" never sounded as good as a trip to see them and the last curve in the road to their house seemed an eternity in the anticipation of a well-appreciated child.
I walk their small town in my dreams and protect and savor their patches on my quilt - the one that warms me long after their hugs can no longer. It's the people that fight for, embrace and provide for us along the way that get us where we are and are going. The niches created for us and that we create for others offer opportunity of self-worth, confidence and security. The start we are afforded and the warmth of love surrounding us determine greatly our ability to return the favor throughout our lives.
There is truly a place for everyone, no less special for the effort and just waiting on our ability to extend it. Dreams and memories are a chance to revisit but our true appreciation resides in our willingness to continue to "Make a Place"
Love, YFTC & ITSOO
Mr. Redwine
"What I never missed is what I miss most." Jim Redwine
"God, help me gift others with the 'presence' I have always enjoyed." Jim Redwine
Yours For The Children & In The Service Of Others
SAME DIRECTION
The look on my son’s face was priceless. He had been working with me to raise money for his portion of his fraternity dues and a realtor’s course to allow him to make commissions as an apartment finder to pay for his summer room and board in Austin. Being the “only dad he knows who doesn’t pay all the fraternity costs or summer living expenses” makes me unpopular sometimes, but we both work through it.
On this particular day we had picked up and fed a homeless young man who had replaced my last project. John had spent a year and a half working with me and gone from no car, no home, no money and no purpose to a young man with all of the above. Now it was Devin’s turn and his appearance, demeanor and morality are questionable at best as I begin a new chapter of picking someone up.
The desperation of having nothing leaves people bitter, discouraged and angry and teaching them and providing them the opportunity to fish beats feeding them one. Dependency is broken by the intimacy of real opportunity. Standards and expectations are stair-stepped in the same sense a toddler is asked to take one step before he runs. Paying for provided work, a couple of square meals, steady income, consistency and rides to and from work begin the tedious project of rebuilding a life. A smaller focus than trying to feed, clothe and offer common necessities to hundreds, it is a real opportunity to turn a life around and empower a person to stand on his own two feet and be a contributing part of society.
No work or effort is ever wasted, but it is particularly special and satisfying to save the world one at a time. A personal vision when I close my eyes is that “each person in a good place sponsors a person in a bad place and changes all the places of the world.” The larger and more intense the aid, the more focus it requires, as well as the resources and energy.
When John had given me a one day notice after securing a job with full benefits, I remember being ecstatic instead of aggravated – having never lost my vision for him. He could run and it was time for both of us to begin again. As my son and I rode with Devin to work the phone rang out of the blue and John began to thank me again for being his friend and “getting him up.” He went on to exclaim that it takes so much to keep up that he would love to work weekends with us to make a little extra. Not really needing him, I told him of course and he worked the next day with us and shortened all our days. It was a chance to stay in touch and remind him he was still important to me. The Saturday conversation between us all was an example to Devin of what consistency and diligence can yield for someone who wants to change their circumstances.
After dropping the two young men off my son had some questions, including how could someone not be able to afford certain things. We talked about having nothing to build on and on exhausted or nonexistent support systems and I could tell the sophomore in college who sometimes knows everything was listening. There’s one key piece of information I tried to convey to my son amongst all the day’s opportunity and that was that when we stand in judgment we will never get to first base in helping anyone change his or her life.
For me, I intend to hit some homeruns before I stand the bat up in the corner. So I will continue to upgrade wardrobes, insist that pre-workday baths be taken, lecture on the use of earnings, insist on a professional demeanor, make sure enough food is available, provide transportation and basic living necessities and remind people they are important. I had a picture taken of us all and I could not help but think we are all at different places in our lives but, thankfully, all headed in the “Same Direction."
Love, YFTC & ITSOO
Mr. Redwine
“Need is the only circumstance a Samaritan requires.” Jim Redwine
“God, help me share my good place while I’m there.” Jim Redwine
FOR OUR FATHER
There is no doubt that giving, helping and providing for others is something to rejoice about. Energy and sense of self-purpose is good for the soul and is contagious to those we share it with. Truth be told, there is a need to heighten awareness and educate the unaware just what and where so many things are needed. Further, there are different comfort zones that work well if joined for a common cause. It takes many to assemble and gather and few to deliver, but one without the other becomes useless.
While it is human nature to step back and look at our accomplishments, boast of our service and receive the praises of our fellowman in countless ways – it is not what is expected of us. The things we do as privately and inconspicuously as possible, unseen or undetected by human eyes, are those held in highest esteem. We tell our children that just because no one is looking or will ever know, it is still important to do the right thing because they will know.
It’s not so different in our intentions to serve. The service itself is the reward and further recognition should never be our pursuit or reason for our actions. Our stockpiles of human admiration, money, worldly possessions or misdirected prayers all become dust while our purest intentions unnoticed reach their highest potential.
Good friends are never those who tell you consistently what you want to hear, but those who give you honest feedback and share their beliefs with an explanation of their reasoning. Witnessing takes a soulful effort as does our service to others, especially put before ourselves. But what will always distinguish the depth of both is to do it solely “For our Father.”
Love, ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
(Turn to and learn Matthew 6:1-4)
“Who and how we serve is more important then what, when, where or how often we serve.” Jim Redwine
“God, thank you for the timeless reminders that direct our easily lost ways.” Jim Redwine
“We each determine God’s victory in our lives daily.” Jim Redwine
“All good comes from God and we are nothing more than a vessel without him.” Jim Redwine
LIVE THE GIFTS I CAN
It happens to the best of us – we somehow, despite all our blessings, feel sorry for ourselves and how difficult our lives are. The effort we have to exert is just too demanding and consumptive of our physical, emotional and spiritual resources.
I had arisen on Sunday morning and had primarily been motivated to attend church by the guilt of having missed the Sunday before. It was a poor excuse and mindset, but at least got me there. My busy schedule had once again clouded my mind that the day of rest shouldn’t have included having to carve out several hours to worship so early in the morning on my day off. Dragging myself through the regimen to arrive, I did and I plopped down with my family in our usual pew. My body dented the pew’s pillow as my mind wondered through the rest of my day. My self-pity for my plight continued right up to the minute my absorption was ruined by his arrival.
As both doors to the section opened, a quiet, older man pushed the young man in his wheelchair next to me in the pew. His uncontrollable smile leapt across his face and irregular and occasionally loud noise blurted from his mouth as he tried to control his erratic bodily motions. His physical mountains alluded to epilepsy or cerebral palsy and a sobering realization of my immediate blessings overwhelmed me. I tried not to stare to prevent my admiration being confused for anything else. He was the young man that months earlier I had witnessed my mother help partake in communion and it had made me cry.
How had I forgotten how easy I have had it? I glanced at him in prayer for us both and upon time for the offering I was forever touched by the series of events to come. His caregiver asked him how much he wished to give as the young man waved a handled blue thermos in the air, a container he could not open that contained his money. Loudly he proclaimed three as best he could speak. The caregiver took the thermos from his hand and removed the declared gift amount. He helped him make the offering and the larger than usual smile danced once again across his ever moving face. I had found myself in the nucleus of the largest humble pie of my life and I did my best not to cry.
The sermon came and passed as a poor second lesson of the day and compassion pushed aside selfishness. The weakest and most challenged of the flock uplifted and carried me and assumed all my burdens. My wasted sympathies for myself returned to their deserved place of nowhere and I was reminded of true strength.
Upon the closing of prayer and with a crowd avoiding early departure by the young man, I noticed on the floor that the thermos remained. I picked it up and looked everywhere for them – they seemed to have disappeared. At home I opened the container and found the $16.00, surely a fortune to him with his needs. I doubled the amount to return to him the next Sunday. Each Sunday I return and fail to find him again. I worry. Is he all right? I will continue to hope and pray and carry the thermos for the young man who reminded me to “Live the Gifts I Can.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO
Mr. Redwine
“Our biggest handicap can be realizing how small it is.” Jim Redwine
“God, for what I don’t understand, I am still grateful.” Jim Redwine
WE WERE THERE
Family first is no cliché in my household and everything I do is wrapped around the schedules of my children and wife. A high availability to all children is derived from 23 years of putting mine as a priority. It takes as many as five rejections to set me absolutely free to pursue my other interests, obligations and passions.
My schedule was cleared on a Sunday and my wife and son had accepted an offer to play golf at a nearby course. My wife read and enjoyed the beautiful day while my son and I tackled the goals we set for our game. Choosing always to walk for the exercise and savings, they took the cart and set the pace. Paired with another riding twosome, eighteen holes went quickly and we found ourselves ready to play another round. My wife surrendered her cart and checked in at home while we continued to play.
The next nine we found ourselves in the zone and enjoyed the lowest scores of the day, mixed with some great one-on-one time. After nine more we decided once again to tee off and play a tie breaker, putt a little in the near dark, and then head back up to our awaiting ride to dinner.
On the way back to the clubhouse my son put his arm around me, partly as his way to show his appreciation for the day and also to lean on me to help him up the hill. At the base of the hill, he had put so much weight on me that I jokingly said, “I should just carry you,” and to my surprise he hopped on with his bag, then holding mine, while I began my ascent up the steep grade. Three quarters of the way up I requested a rest and lightened my 400 pound load.
Then in more of a surprise he said, “Get on and I’ll take us the rest of the way.” After a short exchange I agreed and jumped on his back with his clubs, still needing mine handed to me to carry once mounted. He took two steps toward the clubs, bent over and picked them up, tried to stand upright, and sent us both crashing down the hill onto the concrete cart path. Totally unsure how hurt either of us was, we both laughed so hard we cried. For several minutes we could not regain our composure and lay motionless while we belted out insane volumes of laugher.
He asked if I was hurt at the bottom of the pile and I responded, “I don’t know,” as we began to attempt our first movements. After we picked up spilt balls, tees, hats and clubs, he began to inspect his clubs I had fallen on. Remarkably, no bones, clubs or heads were broken. He told his mother it was the funniest thing he had ever had happen in his life and he wouldn’t trade anything for it and would do it all again. I heard it retold several times and no doubt will again, including his wish he had a picture of it. It was another amazing bond I enjoyed with one of my children that he will, no doubt, share with his own one day.
Great things bloom from the time we plant and the moments that last forever do not go undetected because
“We Were There.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“You know it’s family when even the bruises are great memories.” Jim Redwine
“God, I surprised my son today when he expected anger and received a partner in laughter.” Jim Redwine
SEE AND BE SEEN
A men’s club had asked me to speak on my favorite part of the joy of working with children. At the same time they had asked me to couple it with my particular take on the subject of giving, whether it be my time, resources or money, or the combination of the three. The two subjects seemed to be paired quite nicely, but I reluctantly agreed to accommodate the group that had honored me with the father of the year some seven years earlier.
My writings and lectures can act a little personal and chords struck often play sour notes, but I proceeded to wound the unwilling and remind and initiate the receptive. There is no doubt in my mind that people change the channel when the subject matter is offensive, nor is there a shred of doubt in my mind that my Nielson rating hovered around 50 percent in the room. Men can be difficult to share the tender and loving aspect of relationships, their faith and their deepest convictions. The further aggravation of long unspoken feelings is a reminder of the dusty and cobwebbed shelf on which the emotion sits in wait. Oh, yeah, and some just don’t get it.
It’s tough to know that statistically you lose half going into it. It resembles rushes on an enemy stronghold with a flyswatter and the testosterone filled groans of disagreement bounce around the room like misguided bullets, wounding those who try to listen. It’s a bit of a waste to honor and validate someone whose opinion means nothing to you. The ritual of complete failures who know everything is a tradition among human beings that must even baffle our maker. There is always a wall erected in the most controversial settings and the seeds planted and ideas forged slowly weaken the mortar of the stone and the wall falls with patience and determination.
A gentleman who had listened in disagreement with my program had respectfully joined those around me congratulating me on the same. He patiently waited his turn and stayed to the end to foster a more private discussion. We talked, smiled, supported our views and examined what made us tick. My last farewell was my summation -- that my watch was self-winding and his battery was out. He laughed, we shook hands and I felt he had not been swayed but at least amused by me, a small victory, but a personal policy to take what I can get. The next day there it was amongst my 36 missed calls – a message of thanks from the least likely of well wishers: “Got up this morning, changed the battery and off to make a difference.”
I dropped the goose just like Cratchit’s wife and began to recount the moments thought wasted with a newfound friend. My entire night’s ambition was exceeded by one simple message of appreciation and acknowledgment. Each of us is really a window. Some are a bit dingy and hard to see in and others have been tin-foiled so they can sleep and keep light and others from peering in. All windows hold countless possibilities, wondrous visions and unlimited, remarkable contributions. Our ability to keep them clean and receptive for the two way view is how life will be measured. Invest in some Windex, get a great chamois, and don’t be afraid to “See and be Seen.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
"It’s the difficult road that really tests our vehicle.” Jim Redwine
"God, thanks for the connection two so different share though your windows.” Jim Redwine
LONGEST SHADOW
If I’ve heard it once I’ve heard it a thousand times and always secondhand: “I don’t think Mr. Redwine likes me very much.” No, it’s not kids; they know better. It’s the adults who drop off and pick up kids at functions. I don’t stop and talk. I’m all business and regimented and a disciplinarian who seems a bit gruff and direct. There is a time and place for parents to chat and catch up, share opinions and philosophies and talk about their week. For me, kids come first forever and parents will have to understand while one kid remains they will be my focus.
It’s not an unwillingness to give the time of day to them but the time of day belongs to their children. It is impossible for me to not love the parents of the children I love, and further, the check out wave they receive is always sent with my greatest respect and love. Everything I love about the kids is the direct result of the great things parents bring to the table. They are “mini you’s.”
The only people invited to all functions are parents, not by accident but because we, especially I, want you. The little time I get with parents means the world to me and you and I will know when the time is right. There is a constant blessing around us which affords us fewer mistakes when we listen.
Last week, for any reason unbeknownst to me, I walked over and stood with a father during a busy period who I usually only talk to during snack time. I stood with him, both of us facing the field and explained what a great day his son had experienced. I told him how I saw his oldest son in him and how he had matured over the past few weeks. I had always held the father and brother accountable to help me educate the young boy in the Thursday Boy procedures and spirit. It was an unusual ten minute expenditure of time and I was surprised at myself and how I was compelled to spend it.
The following week the friend I stood with would never come to the field again and I was grateful for the guidance I had received. Life is fleeting and the chance to say and show you care is priceless and time sensitive. I know in a week that has brought the loss of two fathers to children in Thursday Boys an awareness of appreciation of the time and opportunity I have is apparent.
I will miss the shadow of my friends stretching across the field where their children still play and will always think of our exchanges with a full heart, hope and faith. I will serve their children when allowed and until my shadow too disappears from the ground where children’s voices remind us that our efforts carry on without us but we are never forgotten. There’s a reason for our legacy’s value and height has little to do with who casts the “Longest Shadow.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO
Mr. Redwine
“The tallest of us are those on our knees.” Jim Redwine
“God, thank you for the pauses in routine to embrace the spectacular.” Jim Redwine
THE REAL STORY
My cell phone was full, letters arrived by the dozens, and everywhere I went the discussion centered around the article that had run Friday. My family, children and close friends were inundated by the same and an instant surplus of papers began to trickle in at a steady pace. No doubt, it was exciting and a week later it still continues.
Truth be told, as I told David from the get-go, all it really takes is a big mouth and a whistle. This kid run group that is truly ours is the result of thousands of alumni and parents who fostered it with love, a wife and four children who took the bruises and stood alone when necessary to stand the test of time and criticism, a mother who tirelessly helps with administrative, story and computer duties, a host of friends who at the drop of a hat make their talents, time, resources and money available to us all, the most dedicated staff we have ever enjoyed, and the largest, most involved active membership in our history.
Accolades are fun, to be appreciated is spectacular, and to be considered a small part of the adult and child leadership an honor, but let me make one thing perfectly clear since I may not have spoken to you since last Friday: It is you that continues to be “The Real Story.”
Love, YFTC, ITSOO, and a very grateful
Mr. Redwine
“Behind every big mouth with a whistle are those who really get it done.” Jim Redwine
“God, today I stood on stage and accepted for those who couldn’t be there.” Jim Redwine
SHARING THE PAIN
I had gone with my daughter to renew our driver licenses and mostly for me to inquire why my check had been cashed a month earlier but I had not received the license by mail renewal. When we arrived at the Department of Public Safety, I learned they had inadvertently mistyped one of my Social Security digit numbers. They explained to my dismay that I would have to drive back to the house and bring my Social Security card to them. Upon my second trip to the DPS, they informed me they could no longer accept the metal or gold Social Security cards that I had used for 33 years due to fraudulent usages. At their suggestion, I returned home for my statement of account that showed my 33 years of work activity and payments into the system.
At the completion of my third trip, the “new” woman at the desk explained the five x’s in the first digits of the number on my S.S. number made it impossible to use it as positive proof. A fourth trip would be required for a printout at the Social Security office which, incidentally, was approximately two hours for a 30 second receipt. The S.S. office needed a current driver’s license to issue a Social Security card and the driver’s license office needed a Social Security card to issue a license.
A Social Security card by mail would take two to six weeks and require an original birth certificate, driver’s license and statement of accounts. Strangled bodies from red tape surrounded me as I wasted three-fourths of a day I couldn’t spare and my patience, so far checked, was wearing thinner by the minute.
I saw people working the system and the system working people, but mostly the system and people not working. Confusion, waste, contradictions, disorganization, politics and organizational disaster ran rampant and the powerless remained invisible to those deeply entrenched into the bureaucracy of unreasonable doubt and lame duck policies. One digit had questioned my very existence and the 20 some thousand a year taxes my household generates afforded me little more than a carelessly tossed around apology. I pulled the trigger, asked for supervisors, dropped some names and ripped some new ones in the name of my brothers to follow.
On reflection, it is the callousness of the people of the DPS and SS office that still draws most of my criticism, even over the inability to amend and correct my situation. It’s easy to understand why so many become lost in the system and even easier to realize why so many just give up. When you’re down, struggling and receive no validation and you enter revolving door policies and practices with no stable foundation, it is sometimes the final straw on the proverbial camel’s back. If a job must create such difficulties, it surely requires the most pleasant and helpful people to do it. Some of our most frustrated citizens are caught between the lines, literally, and it is a mixed blessing to occasionally end up behind them, eyes wide open and “Sharing the Pain.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO
Mr. Redwine
“It’s hard to get straight on a road with all curves.” Jim Redwine
“Humbling is the path of our most neglected and mistreated of brothers.” Jim Redwine
“God, grant me the courage to keep my most difficult times on my mind and those who live them nonstop in my heart.” JR
THAT WORKED FOR ME
For months I had looked for him, the young man in the powered wheel chair who left his thermos with money in the church. As I stepped into the sanctuary, there he was safe and sound and on that day unaccompanied by a helper. With a plan to have lunch with my family, I told my mother I needed to visit with Eugene and hopefully find out where he lived and what I could do to help. With a multitude of disabilities, understanding his speech was difficult but job number one as I began to unravel the mystery before me.
First, I had assumed as I followed him out of the church that a van, bus or some caregiver would meet him. It was not to be. My second assumption was, as I walked with him, that he lived close by, which I later found to be not so, as well. Dressed in a suit and poorly-broken-in dress shoes, I walked beside my friend from UCC down University to Berry and then had another short conversation with the young man. He wanted chicken for lunch and asked if I was going to continue with him. He was genuinely concerned about my having to walk while he rode and how I would retrieve my vehicle back at the church. I assured him it was all right and we headed east on Berry to the Kentucky Friend Chicken across from Paschal.
I developed a huge appreciation for the mobility and capabilities of the power chairs and a heightened concern for the conditions of handicapped paths in our city. He handled the disrepairs and absences of codes well and I was humbled by his ingenuity, persistence and courage. I was amazed by the two predominant reactions to the pair of us. We were ignored or stared at. With the fairly good suit I was wearing soaked with sweat, we arrived at our destination and lined up to order his favorite -- a No. 6 with a Pepsi. The manager recognized him and talked very loudly, mistaking that his handicap included hearing loss. When asked if it was to go or to eat there, Eugene, with difficulty, looked back at me. I told him it was up to him and he responded “here.” I happily paid for his lunch and carried his tray over to the table he had chosen, and then went to secure his drink.
In returning to the table the epiphany that had escaped me hit like a ton of bricks. I would need to feed him. His aptitude for maneuvering the streets had deceived my senses for his ability to enjoy the simple joys of caring for himself. It wasn’t that I had never done it, just that I had always known the person better, longer, and was more comfortable with the intimacy of such a personal and delicate service. Rotating bites with drinks, I worried through the entire meal that he would choke as he positioned his neck and head awkwardly each time he took a bite to facilitate swallowing. He was an expert and as I wiped his mouth we exchanged some incredibly heartfelt smiles that warmed places I didn’t even know I had. It made me tired to watch the effort he expended to complete each movement and I was further humbled by his relentless spirit and countenance. He was a soldier of life and pursued normality under the most extreme set of personal limitations and challenges.
Upon the completion of lunch we exchanged several conversations as I noticed the language barrier falling away as I became accustomed to the phonics of his speech. He questioned my continuance as I did to myself, knowing my family could be worried even knowing me, but I responded I would. I asked if we were close to his house now and he responded yes, with me now knowing close is in the eyes of the beholder. With an incredibly winding and tedious route through the backstreets and parking lots, we made our way to Hurley Street, two blocks behind the Mexican Inn on Eighth and started up the handicapped ramp to his home.
Two extremely pleasant caregivers met us at the door and, after a series of short introductions, invited me in. They introduced me to two other residents with similar afflictions and answered a few of my concerns and questions on how I could help in the future. The five mile journey had ended on a lovely note with compassionate people, live-in friends and a wonderful environment for caregiving.
I thought about the six churches we passed on our journey and the ten closer in other directions and why this young man would choose the more difficult pilgrimage. Was it the way UCC had made him feel welcome or an individual who had made him feel connected? What I didn’t know was overshadowed by what I did and I was humbled by the opportunity to share in a most difficult and courageous journey. The things I do in minutes with little reflection require hours of diligence from my friend in the perseverance of a vitality of life. His dependency is limited by his determination and my scope of endurance and stamina is changed forever.
My family, with no real surprise to me, already suspected my detainment and three hour detour and was understanding of my absence. The time I invested outside of my element and off my path enriched and widened my journey. The day’s moccasins had become wheels and where and how they rolled had made an impression on my very soul. Our admiration is so often misplaced on those who achieve the most rather than those who make the most from what they achieve. The day’s sermon had been on James and how faith is nothing without works. It is my sincerest hope that Eugene realizes in the reflection of his day that it was he “That Worked for Me.”
Love, YFTC and ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The miracle of life is unraveled when the intended server becomes the served.” Jim Redwine
“God, today I walked beside your most courageous and was reminded of the privileged journey provided me.” Jim Redwine
THOSE WITH LADDERS
I write a lot, work a lot, and enjoy some quiet reflective time during meals in my favorite eateries. It’s a place I can collect my thoughts, plan my journey, and depend on a warm and hospitable welcome. I always imagine when I spot someone a little help that they will pass the cigarette, beer and crack and hurry to the nearest eatery and enjoy some time of their own.
To get past the temptations and arrive at the door to eat and to be turned away is disheartening, insulting and happens all too often. I ate in a restaurant by a dog a few weeks ago, so was a little upset to hear one of my personal projects was turned away this past week. Injury to insult was that I eat often at the place he was turned away. I’m not sure the story’s acceptance was one hundred percent, so I planned my own investigation rather than call the management.
Having my friend dress and appear the same was no problem and went without saying. We met out front to enter together. The same warm greetings met us with a few raised eyebrows and some unwanted attention from the surrounding patrons. I realized without any new epiphany that what I saw and others witnessed were totally separate perceptions.
I saw someone climbing out and they saw someone staying out. No doubt some of those disapproving had made sandwiches at the night shelter, placed a toy in a gathering station box and provided canned goods to some entity in the past.
The play was not the problem – it was just on an unfamiliar stage. There is no doubt that some things are less comfortable but our ability to embrace our chances in any arena is the real test of our humanity. Our ability to be the exception to the rule can determine greatly someone’s strength to climb out and stand on his or her own. Encouragement is irreplaceable and accommodation and inclusion are gifts from “Those with Ladders.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“It’s what we lower in the hole that defines us.” Jim Redwine
“God, the moccasins made a blister I’ll never forget.” Jim Redwine
LIGHT THAT GUIDES US ALL
There is no doubt that if you asked ten people what giving is you would probably get ten slightly to completely different answers. To me, giving means giving up something in order to provide something for someone else. It’s not a scrap, leftover, surplus, excess or extra. It means me doing without; something of mine in disrepair put second to someone else’s need. A list of priorities with an unorthodox numbering of importance heavily weighted at the back with my personal comfort, desires and ambitions. It means a portion of my fill, doing completely without, moderation, sufficiency and true necessity labeling.
Did I feel it or did I lose a hole down on my belt? Finally, above all, did I do it for the right reason, truly a second to the fact it was done but essential to the spirit of giving. Do I have the stamina and dedication to keep it up? In other words, to make it a mindset and lifelong practice. Am I able to arrive at the point of acceptance where judgment and service are separated? Are my responses of a Christian orientation and do I support a set of double standards created to absolve my behavior? Do I pass on giving a dollar to the bearer of the sign “Will work for food” with the excuse that they will just use it on a Swisher Sweet with friends?
Do I assume people of no means aren’t allowed to enjoy a vice or make a decision because they should adopt our present list of priorities for them? Do we give to manage or manage to give? Is giving penance, punishment, guilt, brownie points with God or a blessing of service and an admission of our fear of our own frailty and vulnerability? Empathy – sympathy or a distancing from both?
I sat behind a line of cars at a red light and the car in front of me waved in a car from a side street. The person in that car waved thank you and proceeded through the intersection and light. The car that offered the entry missed the light and proceeded to throw a temper tantrum, blaming the car he let in for his missing the light. He waved his hands to heaven, embarrassed surrounding lip readers, and made a general fool of himself!
Had he only wanted to let someone in on the condition that he would not be inconvenienced or delayed? Had he not really been ready for the consequences of his extension of kindness; unwilling to really go the distance? Sadly, to me, the real gift was that one went on at the expense of the one who stayed and the essence of the act went unrealized to the instigator.
Our conditions to help can narrow to a total lack of involvement. If in life we both get through the light, what did we really give up? When we brake for someone we must be prepared for the stop and any inconvenience. Service is a gift and the path can be unsure, but our commitment to go the distance can always be measured by the “Light that Guides Us All.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The true piece of us we share is gone forever, doing good things with those who travel elsewhere.” Jim Redwine
“God, I realize now the difference between unconditional service and conditional convenient service.” Jim Redwine
“We’re all about mistakes. They test our courage, ownership, and upgrade our futures. They pioneer better existences for those who follow and guarantee the gift of human frailty and forgiveness.” Jim Redwine
“Kids are the closest thing to God and remind us what’s really important and what absolutely is not.” Jim Redwine
“Mistakes are only a waste if we can’t use them to help define our lives.” Jim Redwine
“When it comes to kids, always begin with the premise that you can’t possibly deserve to be with them.” Jim Redwine
“Good health and time are only borrowed for the day.” Jim Redwine
“A child is the purest form of us.” Jim Redwine
“The toughest thing we may ever do is get our mouth, hands and heart all together.” Jim Redwine
“We can rest when we’re dead.” Jim Redwine
WAY OF TRUTH
It takes more to shock me each and every day and the trick for me is to stay sensitive but have the thick bark in place to successfully process and wrap my head around the things that come at me at a hundred miles an hour. I had just visited the Century Motel, helping a friend with some rent, personal needs and a few pre-stamped envelopes to attempt contacts. The $150 a week rent is no bargain for the 350- square- foot roach box and I am reminded of the blessings that flow through my life.
After completing a needs checklist and discussing the following week’s game plan to avoid eviction, I was off to pick up some KWD adventurers. My heart was heavy and my mind was cluttered and the sense of not enough hovered over me like a 300 pound weight. As I pulled forward to the intersection before me, I reached for a dollar to help the gentleman standing on the corner with a sign that said, “Will work for food.” As I handed him the bill all complacency with my efforts left me as a sinking feeling connected my eyes to my stomach.
The all too familiar man, sporting an unfamiliar beard was my friend Steve from college and I carefully and painstakingly acknowledged him. He was excited, quickly followed by embarrassment and a lengthy explanation. The only person he owed an explanation was himself and I quickly found a more pleasant line of questioning I have had ample practice with. The bottom line was it was him and not me, and I was reminded of what I believe -- that anyone can lose his way and his “life.” Why was a dollar short and a day late and I inquired into his thoughts on going forward.
Addictions made my intramural football teammate unrecognizable to me and I felt lost in a sea of inconsistencies in his communication with me. His disconnection with truth and attempts to impress me and fool himself led us quickly to the brick wall preceding goodbyes and take care.
As I drove off I mourned the person I knew and I embraced the thoughts of people I work with who communicate openly, truthfully and search for change and a positive direction. It is so true that you can only help those who wish to help themselves, but even more importantly each journey can be altered by a single wrong or right turn. Life will continue to challenge our spirit, endurance and stamina and, most likely, each of us will need help at some point in our lives. I will continue to pray for me and those around me for courage to rebound by “Way of Truth.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“Real loss is not what was that isn’t, but the inability to differentiate the two.” Jim Redwine
“The impossible continues to remind me it doesn’t exist.” Jim Redwine
“God, where pride and familiarity blocked my efforts, I pray for a stranger to reach my friend.” Jim Redwine
YFTC & ITSOO
NEED US MOST
Two wonderful experiences happened to me this past week. The first was two lunch dates I made time for with two special friends. On the completion of lunch and a great visit, I was accosted by familiar homeless people on opposite sides of town. I had not seen either for some time, had done a fair amount of worrying about them and tended to imagine the worst. I shared $5, my half-lunch to go and a robust hug with well-wishes to both.
The coincidences so far apart on later reflection probably boiled down to luck, recognition and time to wait. Regardless, joy captivated me as both my lunch friends probably watched with a few questions of their own. I felt a sense of difference and adequate circulation as I celebrated our encounters and realized my worries had been extinguished. It was a welcome reunion and I truly loved getting the short updates of their lives.
The other encounter was with a young man named Billy. Billy differed from Rachel and Mike in that he found a niche to earn rather than panhandle. Billy hunts golf balls all day and sells them on the 14th hole next to the woods on a golf course I frequent. He works hard gathering and it can be a messy undertaking with water hazards of its own. He’s shy and hangs back, sizing up the likelihood of each potential customer. Respecting his effort I always ask if I can donate a dollar to the ball club and he smiles with a sincere thank you.
I know many golfers to be unkind and unwelcoming. We have a Christian and humanitarian responsibility to validate, embrace and present inclusion to each person with whom we come in contact.
A kind word, smile and welcome come cheap but play a huge role in the self-confidence and self-worth of our brothers. The risks are worth the reward and the refusal to waste the opportunity is what connects us to “The People Who Need Us Most.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The face of Jesus is on all we encounter.” Jim Redwine
KIDS ON A BRIDGE
It was by no stretch of the imagination the first, nor would it be the last time I stopped to help someone with a Tanglewood or Thursday Boy sticker. In fact, there are numerous stickers that continue to be included in my “code.” The suburban had stopped at the middle highest point of the Vickery bridge and I was headed the opposite direction when I saw the round bright yellow sticker in my rear view mirror. With about forty minutes left before Thursday Boys started, I made a quick decision to help and possibly have no time to change my street clothes before play. I deemed the investigation necessary and committed to the turn-around and redirection.
Traffic was insane and rude and hurried by the vehicle; no one was stopping to offer assistance. It was a narrow, dangerous and awkward place to experience trouble, made worse by a host of impatient and uncaring drivers around it. I pulled behind the vehicle and in a mixture of stupidity and bravery I approached the female driver to help. She was a mother with two small children in the car. I made a trustable plea to take them off the bridge, out of what was becoming an increasingly dangerous situation of frustrated and selfish traffic. I explained I would remove them on the passenger side, buckle them in and play with them in Tanglewood Park until she arrived.
Leaving her was difficult, but with police and her husband en route I felt warranted in getting the children to safer ground. With no explanation other than they trusted their mother and had a great relationship and obedient upbringing, they joined me with a beautiful countenance about them. I felt the mother’s pain of deciding to trust me over the impending danger and knew at best she only knew of me. It was selfless, difficult and mature and I embraced the gravity of my responsibility.
As I played ball with the two children in the park a sophomore in high school, an alumni of Thursday Boys, joined me with a visit and helped entertain the children, providing one on one attention. I worried for the mother but had no regrets looking forward to our reunion in the park. Keeping the children happy and busy became my only job to camouflage the temporary separation.
As the mother approached the field with a smile, I had some idea of the relief she felt to see her children safe and cared for and I was ecstatic to see her safe and no less for the wear. It was remarkable to see someone love enough to choose the lesser risk and surrender her total control in choosing the chance to be safer. And it was equally remarkable to see a teenager pitch in to make a young mom’s children feel comfortable in what could otherwise have been a very uncomfortable situation.
Our “code” is what we do regardless of its convenience, timing or comfort to us. As far as I’m concerned every day presents great opportunities to include someone in need a walk beneath our umbrella, and I will continue to notice and prepare to help anyone and everyone and especially “Kids on a Bridge.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“The greatest love is sometimes required to admit we can’t do it alone.” Jim Redwine
“God, I glanced in eyes today that reflected my same priorities.” Jim Redwine
ALL THE GIFTS TO COME
The best thing about Christmas for me will continue to be the quality and unusual quantity of time my family spends together. Everybody gathers for several weeks of anticipated tradition and a heightened sense of family exists in each of us. The consistency and routine is comforting and a heritage of appreciation and festivity are enhanced by everyone’s extended efforts to afford each other more time. The traditions are met with grateful hearts and new ones are constantly evolving as opportunities to celebrate become more diverse.
New friends and second halves of new couples are introduced into the mix and special situations welcome the flexibility of a warm family. Extended circles of love and friendship promote sharing and compromise and a sense of gratefulness for everyone’s available time together rings true.
The most important things of life seem to align themselves in order and family and close friends assume their rightful position at the top. Hope, faith, trust, love and joy push life’s clutter aside and a new set of wonderful memories are stacked high to be seen over any unpleasantness the year may have offered. The little things become huge and a unified effort to give more than we take creates a gentler and more tolerant season to enjoy each other.
Later is eclipsed by now as the only sure thing and little is spared to celebrate what is and might never be. An appreciation of the year’s fallen family and friends guarantees our heart’s gladness all we are blessed.
A large house continues to become cavernous as its inhabitants repeatedly gather in a single room in a fellowship drenched in warmth and tradition. Lights twinkle, fires lick the black brick, marshmallows dance on chocolate ponds, classic stories and films moisten our eyes and the smell of seasonal candles, food and trees dazzle our senses. Peace and joy take their place as more than just words and our greatest challenge becomes to make it last.
The unusual red light of glass Santas fills the house with a warm, peaceful glow and the reflection of a lifetime or ornaments grants each member a ticket down memory lane. The culmination offers the year’s only welcomed overwhelming and the hope for tomorrow is dwarfed by the faith of today. Parents watch in amazement as children become adults and compassion and thoughtfulness replace childish self-absorption.
A true sense that siblings will continue traditions, remember their heritage, and care for each other lightens aging burdens. Relaxation becomes more than lessened motion in the true peace and forgiveness that fills an open and inviting heart. Giving overshadows receiving and the sense that you have it all before the first present is even opened reminds you that the love of the season was the gift of a Son – the birth of “All Gifts to Come.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
"It’s a wonderful life when our wish for nothing has already been answered with everything.” Jim Redwine
“God, thanks for a life I can’t possibly earn.” Jim Redwine
CHANGE FEET
In homeless service, there is an education that doesn’t cost eighty thousand dollars over four years and that has its own rich tradition and a host of quiet secrets and procedures indigenous only to those in the innermost circles of privileged information. The lucky few who stand outside the circle and serve are sometimes entrusted and included in some unusual practices for better or worse.
One of the better I have been exposed to over the years, rarely discussed by the giver or the recipient, is the jacket pocket practice. I was first told about it by a dying homeless man who explained about the angel’s gift in the pockets of a shared coat. It is simply a donated coat where the person sharing the coat, new or used, slips some money into one or more of the pockets. The person receiving the coat checks the pockets and is gifted a surprise past warmth. I have to admit that I now check gifted coats just to find out a little more about the people who donate them and when I find the angel’s mark I distribute it more thinly to other unblessed articles.
It’s like sharing the wealth or bagging separately one three pack of underwear and serving three. Most homeless people “travel light” and suspect abundance draws unwanted attention. Weight plays a role in their mobility and personal searches from aiding establishments. Cash is light but a personal risk commodity that ranks above cell phones, shoes and other stolen belongings.
I can’t help but smile when I imagine the selfless, caring practice before gifting. It’s an inexpensive expression of encouragement that connects two individuals worlds apart and I can’t help but think of the long-term impact if the twos shoes were to ever “Change Feet.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“A well placed jacket can wrap two sets of arms around the needy.” Jim Redwine
“God, leave it to your children to find yet another way to love each other.” Jim Redwine
BACK ON THE MENU
As a child, so many things are magical. Much of that magic exists through the faith guided actions of our parents. They bring to us the best and most exciting of what life has to offer, wrapped neatly in their interpretation of a morally and Christ-like existence. Lessons of life coupled with mortal experiences help us mature and grow simultaneously.
On my visits to St. Louis to see my parents an array of excitement always awaited me. There were baseball games with the Cardinals, trips to theme parks, lifts to the top of the Arch, zoo adventures, family card games, great cookouts and hundreds more. With all the entertainment, surprisingly enough from the memory of a child, Polly’s parents still stand out in my mind as one of my greatest joys.
Mrs. Lohmann’s gracious and kind words, genuine interest and soft spoken English manners and Mr. Lohmann’s cigar puffing, kidding and humor always warmed the furthest corner of my heart. They both in totally different ways made me feel welcome, equal and important. Both extremely well-grounded and frank, they provided me inclusion, instruction and direction each rare moment we spent together. Both exemplified people who concentrated one hundred percent on whatever they did.
Card games with them, catching fireflies in their backyard and barbeques still dance in my memory and their differences seemed to make their compatibility stronger. They were frugal, neat, loved their daughter as much as parents could, home-loving and deliberate people. They lived a structured and meaningful life together as a couple and reminded those around them of the commitment of for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. Their disappointments or shortcomings never changed until death do us part.
Their commitment was old school and refreshing and Mr. Lohmann, a plumber by trade, never blinked when it came to domestic home duty in the service of his wife. Like vinegar and oil, they learned to make a salad and a life of give and take. In God’s infinite wisdom, they completed each other and left an impression on those of us left to pursue loyalty and commitment.
When I close my eyes I can still see Mrs. Lohmann’s perfectly put together face smiling kindly and speaking softly as Mr. Lohmann bites his cigar, kidding me and wiggling his extra large ears. This past week as Mrs. Lohmann rejoined her husband in heaven, I have no doubt salad is “Back on the Menu.”
Love, ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
“The best candle we can burn for our lost is the one that lights our soul and guides our actions.” Jim Redwine
“God, thanks for the parents of our parents who have made us better parents and people.” Jim Redwine
Back2Top
Back2Top
A BETTER ME
Summers more than ever seem to be a flash coming out of a blink for me. Job one is securing 50 percent of the needs of two college kids, shortly followed by surviving the heat and rigorous work schedule as a middle-aged man. Although summer continues to leave much quicker than it came, it continues to hold some of the years most memorable and treasured sightings and lessons for the heart. Regardless of where you are and what you do, life speaks to you in ways that continue to surprise and delight.
Golf has been part of the bond I’ve shared with my younger son and something my wife has embraced with the gift of her presence, support and participation. We enjoy it as a family and I continue to unearth more than divots as I explore the happenings before me.
I first noticed it sitting on a large rock close to a brilliant sunset just west of the course. A large, long-legged fishing bird that resembled a kingfisher had inadvertently become entangled in fishing line and a bobber. The line, along with the red and white float, was tightly wrapped around both legs binding them together. The tangled mishap was mistakenly perfectly engineered by the movements of the bird and as I approached to attempt his freedom from it, he flew to the opposite side of the pond. Flight was for the most part unaffected by his affliction, although walking was impossible and hunting for food and escape from predators unlikely. He could obviously stay hydrated but would his captive situation alter his survival mechanisms and instinct?
I alerted the golf course, who exhausted pleas for help from the zoo, animal control and various protective wildlife organizations. With no threat to people, our inability to bring him to anyone and various other absurd red tape and excuses we found ourselves on our own. The bird’s pattern was systematic and bringing a net in my truck to the course mornings and night I attempted to capture him and remove the entangled line. Each time I saw the bird he looked weaker and more beaten by the extreme heat of the summer. I knew he was drinking by his sheer longevity but thought nourishment was a portion of his lack of liveliness.
The golf marshals enlisted in the daily effort to capture and free him updated me on sight each visit to the course. Fully expecting one failure after another to find him perished, one morning I got the call that one marshal had captured him and removed the burden from his feet – tied together for some two weeks. The bird had lost any measurable fight left in him and succumbed to the aid that had stalked him since his dilemma. The hopeless feeling for all concerned had been lifted and faith in happy endings was restored.
The fisherman who left the line and float probably would never imagine the ordeal his broken snag could have caused and the harm inflicted in innocent circumstance of his actions. In a bizarre twist of events and coincidence an almost impossible occurrence had manifest itself into a struggle for life and survival.
I thought a lot about the litter we leave vocally and emotionally for our children and the actions we instigate that are inappropriate and unbecoming. When we are tired and overwhelmed and we lose our patience for the job we dreamed of and asked for. The times we, whether intentionally or not, demean or criticize them in their efforts or failures. The times encouragement is replaced by our own self-absorption and our own failures are cast upon them as a weakened target for aggression. Truly how we fail to communicate and encourage our children with our words and actions ties them up and enables their own minds and others to prey on them. Acceptance and belonging offered can come from many unwanted sources and our lackadaisical actions can push away our best chances for success in our most important role and purpose in life.
We must recognize the lines and floats we leave and cut free our mistakes and own them, constantly checking our children’s freedom to fly and flourish under our loving guidance. Rarely a sun sets that I don’t think of that bird sitting on the rock, defeated and alone, and the journey he led me on in my discovery of “A Better Me.”
Love, ITSOO & YFTC
Mr. Redwine
“What entangles us most is cut away easily with caring and compassionate persistence.” Jim Redwine
“God, grant me the grace to treat all your creatures with dignity and love.” Jim Redwine
Mr. Redwine’s Test of Friendship
1. 24/7 up for a phone call and visit any time day or night. When I need them not when it’s convenient.
2. Shows up for work as well as play, project or play by my side.
3. Defends their friends publicly, uses their power and influence for good.
4. Gossip killer, kind work advocate.
5. Treats all children like their own, embraces the old as a true treasure.
6. Inclusive, defends the weak, share their gifts.
7. Leaves everyone and everything better than they found it.
8. Doesn’t have to have an investment to care.
9. Dedicated to others before self.
10. Shows more than tells, disciplined do-gooder.
11. Searches and finds the good in people.
12. Always give more than they take. Accepts effort itself as a talent in persistence.
13. Reliable to their word, truthful and loyal to their beliefs.
14. Renew me with each visit.
15. Genuine in their words and actions.
16. Broad of mind and relentless in body.
17. Secret-worthy and discreet.
18. Creatively thoughtful.
19. 50/50 in relationships.
20. Loves my best and accepts my worst.
21. Measures a day by who they helped.
22. Knows tomorrow comes without them but do their best to never let it.
23. Includes me in their journey in some way.
24. Can say it all with just one glance.
25. Knuckle- bumpin’, torso- huggin’, cheek-kissin’, life-lovin’, don’t care who’s lookin’ individuals you just can’t imagine not there!
HOW MANY DO YOU HAVE?
1) What’s your idea of a friend?
2) Do you settle in favor of volume?
3) Do you have a friend in your spouse?
Love, ITSOO & YFTC
Mr. Redwine
ELMO’S FIRE
I had stopped in Gilmore, Texas, at a Dairy Queen for a quick late lunch. I sat facing the entry door, in a booth with my food, when I first saw him walk in. His crooked hunched over body sported an immaculate cowboy hat and cane and he moved slowly, deliberately and with caution. Self-sufficient in every respect, but with a great amount of effort, he entered into what could only be a regular routine from his meticulous and calculated moves. He brought his own soft drink bottle wrapped in a napkin with a rubber band holding the insulation and purchased one small hamburger and sat in the booth directly facing me. The well-kempt gentleman was either on a strict budget, frugal, or a combination of the two.
I decided to speak to him. “Hello young man,” I called and the gentleman smiled from ear to ear. He said, “Guess my age” and I iridiculously replied, “Are you seventy yet?” He proudly exclaimed 88 and thanked me for the compliment. I asked if he was doing well and he said so well that if he had a quarter he’d give it to me. I inquired his name and he told me he was Elmo. I asked if he would share my stack of onion rings and he said he would love to.
I proceeded from my booth to take him ketchup and half the brown circles of delight and to exchange a few more niceties. He told of losing his wife six years ago and how he had moved to Gilmore fifty-five years ago as a young man of 33. For the next thirty minutes that I didn’t have to share, I did. I became glad in my choice to slow down and absorb the history and wonder before me. The well was deep, the water was sweet, and I stayed to drink!
The half hour was nothing about me. One of my favorite parts about the time we spent together focused on my newfound friend. He actively played and sang in a country music club three nights a week and served with General Patton in World War II. He shared numerous stories about them together. He was filled with experience and knowledge and I was grateful for our talk and could have listened all day. He interrupted himself several times, aware that he was monopolizing the conversation—and apologizing as I assured him he had the most to offer.
When I announced my departure and said my goodbyes I promised to try to take in his show on a future route and slipped him a $10 bill, requesting to buy his dinner in my absence and inability to stay to treat him that evening. He responded “My Christ” in the kindest and most respectful surprise of joy and appreciation, and I thought to myself, “Yes it is when we stop and take interest in and respect those around us, leaving our path long enough to focus on the wonder that is another’s journey, that we then become the disciples that Jesus expects us to be.
I got a lot of work done that day, but my best was spent honoring nearly a century of life that was unwasted by one of its best students turned teacher. With a little luck and a lot of hard work I just might live long enough to do some teaching of my own. One thing is for sure, if I do I’ll wear out several pairs of cowboy boots before I can hold a candle to “Elmo’s Fire.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“It never ceases to amaze me how just a kind word or simple act of sharing can continue to enrich my life.” Jim Redwine
“God, plant in me the seeds of inclusion and exploration of my brother in a world that looks past the obvious.” Jim Redwine
POLISH YOUR DIAMOND DAILY
Marriage is hard work and can be the most rewarding part of your life. It’s tough for me to imagine with all the people in the world that absolutely no one put me first, would rather be with me than anyone, and spends the better part of their day anxiously waiting for the next glimpse and chance to be together. Marriage is the best chance, and for most the only chance, to really experience that most fulfilling relationship possible.
For those of us for whom consideration doesn’t come naturally, we have to make deliberate efforts toward the direction we know we should travel. Everything taken for granted becomes destructive in a relationship that should concentrate on building, creating depth and satisfying that needs to not only love but to be shown such. True love cannot exist without sacrifice. Whether it’s merely something as small as stifling your own desires for a dinner spot or waving your opinions on a once a year family vacation to please your spouse, it’s important to strive to give more than you take.
The very things marriage seems to halt are actually enhanced with the right verbiage, attitude and execution. A night out called a date, and an attitude of marital pleasing lends to excitement squandered when played as no choice due to permanent selection. A lousy marriage trickles down to everything else we do and immediately and foremost into our children’s lives. Love is unmistakable to children and manifests itself in the smallest things we say and do. A considerate calendar of effort is a great step in continuing or rejuvenating a loving existence.
My wife had awakened me at 4:46 a.m. asking that famous question, “Are you asleep?” I replied no and enjoyed a back tickle as she abstained from a lot of discussion. Intuitively, I asked had she had a bad dream or was something bothering her. After some preliminary encouragement she discussed a work issue which was challenging the distinction of being a kind person and doing what was best for the company and her team. I thought of the book I am writing about Christian ethics in the work place and gave the best advice I could muster. We talked for about an hour and then both rose for the day, with her insisting I should rest a little longer. With my five minute to her two hour ratio of preparing for the day, I was off and out of the house.
Realizing she was short on sleep and long on worry, I set forth my daily plan to make a difference and send the signal that she came first with me. I jumped in her car and took it to the gas station and proceeded to fill it to the brim with gas. Next I ordered her favorite breakfast, just the way she likes it and delivered it to the kitchen counter with a note that I loved her. I went back to her car, cleaned out any trash and left her money in the drink holder to do something for her. It is inspiring and contagious to funnel energy into furnishing the needs and perks of someone special. I had seen a movie called Fireproof where forty days of devotion had been provided in a Christian format of servitude and cried like a baby. The next day I taped my “man card” together and entered a Tae Kwon Do bout to insure my resurrection from total femininity.
All too often we spend our time anticipating someone picking us up and doing all the things that make us feel important, validated and appreciated. We need to be the instigator and take control of our lives by implementing the care for others we dream about. Success is rarely an accident and while 50/50 is ideal sometimes, a greater portion of the effort is required of us at various times. While love can’t be measured in the acts that preserve it, there is a definite correlation in the effort put forth to insure it. Tired love can be mistaken for absent love but vitalized love bears no confusion.
Plan love, show love, reap love and grow love. Real communication requires no words and longevity is the reward for respecting the fragility of an effortless relationship. Work for your dream and for love’s sake don’t forget to “Polish Your Diamond Daily.”
ITSOO & YFTC,
Jim Redwine
“The very lift we offer picks us up as well.” Jim Redwine
“When you get to the bottom of your list, start over at the top.” Jim Redwine
“God, help me recognize a blessing when I see it and always try to be it.” Jim Redwine
OUR FRIEND TY
I said a prayer for you today,
it came from deep within.
The thoughts of the first time we met
the way you made me grin.
How you’ve brought a family joy
and everyone around.
The running, fetching, playing and
the rolling on the ground.
It’s rare to make a friend that is
so far outside your kind.
In me you’ll find that rarity
I hope you do not mind.
I know you’re ill but truly well
is what’s inside your soul.
Companionship has been your way
successful in your goal.
Goodbye is such a narrow word
I try to never say.
I’ll think of you and hold you dear
‘til next you come my way.
For all we know and most we don’t
there’s very little sure.
The life you’ve led down here on earth
had purpose and was pure.
When life is used to please beyond
just where our wantings lie.
We’ll wake and find we lived our lives
a lot like "Our Friend Ty".
For Ty and the Campbells
Jim Redwine
OPEN IT
There are those few pictures out of thousands that became instant favorite classics. Everyone in the family wants it and the compromise is zero because it is reproduced so that everyone may enjoy the special photographic memory. Such a picture was taken on Father’s Day by my oldest daughter on her camera.
The picture was of the six of us, my nuclear family only and it was awesome. It wasn’t that we all looked the best we ever have or that the lighting and arrangement was spectacular, but just the fact that we were all very happy and genuinely glad to be together. The smiles, warmth and love were unmistakable. The two of us with the kids piled behind, leaning and grinning ear to ear.
It was an irreplaceable moment that a mere glance at the photo inspires an entire day and direction. Forget counting to ten, thinking before you speak, time outs or me time – just pull the picture out and let the medication flow through your soul. The day’s intoxication was captured forever and an average day was transformed into a super segment in the lives of six people. My children, each in his or her own special way, showed me an appreciation for my efforts.
Their tangible gifts were dwarfed by their ability to express sensitivity, gratefulness and the grace of a well-balanced and loving person. Their emotional health and connection to the family are the real celebration of each occasion we share together.
While vacations always pique different interests, family get-togethers and occasions continue to instigate unified and rewarding experiences for us all. When one thinks to himself or speaks out loud that a day could not get any better, imagine the surprise when it did and I was. On the table scattered with the presents and cards from my children were some envelopes mailed to the house. Inside the various colored squares were Father’s Day cards as well, but not from my biological children. The cards were from KWD members, remembering our special relationship at a time when father-like efforts are celebrated as well.
The part of our youth program I enjoy as much as any other had validated a connection I feel strongly about and absolutely thrilled me beyond words. I did my best to focus on my children before me, but knowing me and sharing me so well for so long, my excitement was no secret to any of them. My children are a huge part of the mentoring process even in their absence, because they are always with me.
A small family has become quite large and the chances to share grow with each day. A role in any child’s life is a gift and the extension of a hand is to “Open It.”
Love, ITSOO and YFTC
Mr. Redwine
“God, help me extend my vision, heart, and usefulness.” Jim Redwine
“A happy child will smile on one some day.” Jim Redwine
AGAINST THE GLASS
In the most destitute, callousness as a front or protection is quite common. Fact from fiction is difficult to separate and lying can be a way of life. While deceit and cunning can never diminish acts of kindness, it can be disheartening to continuously be the recipient of disappointment and treachery. If you can’t take a lot with a grain of salt, your chances of success in working with the homeless is unlikely. One step forward and two steps back is often the theme and the frustrations of squandered progress are infuriating, if not depressing.
One gentleman I have helped get an apartment, automobile, job and all the necessities of living lost it all after a 3-week stint in jail and an open container violation. The relationship he had fostered from “having it together” also fell away as part of the fallout of retuning to square one.
The setbacks are always senseless and the personal management issues are a nightmare from which you cannot awake. Regardless of the causes, the heart continues to remind you of the work to be done and the tenacity required to make a difference. Those short on stamina and endurance need not apply.
In all the senseless backtracking occasionally, despite all the commonsense and accountability in the world, you just can’t get past the cold hard fact that you just feel sorry for someone despite the reason for their predicament. A good hand washing is replaced by simply rolling up your sleeves and getting back to work on someone you refuse to give up on. I sat across the table from him for the first time in four months, the time he served for a probation violation. He too had lost everything, including almost $2,000 saved over the summer, the nest egg for a better and more comfortable life.
Trouble is more expensive than poverty and both usually find a way to become a team of destruction. With all my common sense and an ample understanding of his history and track record, I failed to sever my efforts on what should have been a stern exit interview. Of all we talked about, for the first time I saw the soul of a beaten man reflected in his eyes as he revealed the horror of his worst moment of his four months served.
As tears filled his eyes he spoke of his ex’s trip with his daughter to visit and how she used it as a chance to embarrass and discredit him with her, the family and the court system. All the disgrace, suffering and dehumanization he had experienced was unequaled to the few seconds he had looked through the glass with the small face pressed against it.
While his actions are the results he endures, truly some things no person deserved. His plight is continuously fed by his disconnection, lack of education, status, financial destitution and overall absence of means. Seeing what someone has become is not truthfully looking in. Sometimes to really see clearly, we have to press our face up “Against the Glass.”
Love, ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
“God, help me continue to see what can be over what is.” Jim Redwine
“Our journey’s path can intersect with others, but our efforts are what make them
merge and create new direction for those that are lost.” Jim Redwine
ALL IN
Sure it’s a bit presumptuous of me, but really more of a strong belief and constitution that God puts people in our path. From there it is really up to us to summon the compassion and fortitude to do something with our opportunity. Coincidence is a great word for the excuse to do nothing, as odd chance somehow lets us off the hook to take seriously the why and how we come across a particular meeting.
He had rolled up alongside the trailer as I worked at White Rock Lake. A seventy-year-old black man as worn as a favorite pair of sneakers spoke to me with an unusual exuberance. “Hello, could you help me. I think I am very lost.” He had come down St. Francis Street and could not find Fernando Street, his destination. I admitted ignorance but suggested we pull out the Mapsco. It turned out he was only eight cross blocks from his target and I helped him pick the winding course and directional plan of attack.
His yellow picket fence teeth grinned through our entire conversation as I openly admired his power chair draped with concoctions and riggings. A pair of vice grips replaced a broken handle and a coat hanger replaced a missing wire with fanfare. From all sides hung his treasures and belongings and between his arthritic crippled hands he held a bamboo cane that appeared to be pre-Moses. He was delightful and had the sunny outlook of a man who was grateful for each and every day afforded him.
Upon the completion of our business, he exclaimed his thanks and goodbyes and I asked him to wait. I pulled a few dollars from my car, some quarters and dimes for calls and a bottled water. One of my helpers had a Long John Silver’s lunch for after our job and I motioned to him could we give it as well. He smiled and quickly nodded yes and the nine dollar feast was added to the pot. The gentleman had asked for nothing but directions, and taking us for the working stiffs we are was truly humbled and grateful for our offerings.
I joked with him to not let anyone take his money and he informed me he still had one “ass whippin’” left in him and we all laughed out loud. As quickly as he appeared he was gone and I prayed to myself for his safe journey and the thanks owed for his placement in my path and caring hands.
I thought a lot about the three things I was reminded of. The fact that I live quarter to quarter, my help lives paycheck to paycheck, and my new friend lives day to day. The way “the more I help the less I can help any one person” – a true dilemma in being spread too thin. And last the story in the Bible where the old woman’s two pennies or equivalent surpassed the larger gifts of the rich. My employee had given so much more of his whole than I. With hundreds in my wallet, he had given most of what he had with virtually no assurances of tomorrow.
The closer we get to God, the more we resemble a poker player. When we really win big is when we find ourselves “All In.”
Love, ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
“When the teacher becomes the student the real learning begins.” Jim Redwine
“God, grant me the persistence in my faith to keep the welcome mat before my heart.” Jim Redwine
HE’S ME
A friend can’t really tire of you,
Despite what you might think.
You thirst for love and to belong,
They’ll always share that drink.
You fall, you hurt, your heart is sad,
You think it is the end.
But here comes hope, a warming smile,
Of course, it is your friend.
The news is bad, it comes so hard,
The pain is great to bear.
Just when your faith is rocked so hard,
Your friend provides the prayer.
It seems unlikely when you need,
That person’s always there.
A pat, a hug, a hand, a kiss,
A stroke across your hair.
Perhaps it’s then more likely you,
That’s started such a trust.
A friendship grown up some each day,
Respect a constant must.
I think you’ll find the smoke’s soon gone,
And when you clearly see,
The friend that cares so much for you
Is close, because “He’s Me.”
Jim Redwine
For Polly and Mirabella Woods
A PRAYER FOR UNITY
God,
-Bless my enemies for they are self-proclaimed of which I will have no part.
-Hold my friends’ hands who outgrow me and find me no longer useful or wanted in their lives.
-Watch over those who criticize me and find fault in all I do.
-Teach me to love in the toughest of circumstance and smile through the pain of exclusion.
-Enable me to continue to invest in people when returns are at their lowest.
-Place me where needed most and direct my energies to serve my brother unconditionally.
-Silence my ramblings that my heart may be clearly heard.
-Remind me my powers are as fleeting as my life and waste is what I can but I don’t.
-Instill in me the courage to welcome all who come, go, and return in my life.
-Use my imperfections to be more tolerant of others and open-minded in my thoughts.
-Grant me the grace required to endure false witness and abstain from my own.
-Flood my soul with the peace that requires only that I live through you.
-Reinforce in me that success is not a ladder to be climbed but a walk toward each stop we make a difference.
-Unfold my layers for all to see and let my kindness rule the host of my emotions.
-Forgive my misconception at any time that I am greater or favored above any other of your children.
-Expand my service in the absence of convenience, appreciation and resources.
-Encourage me to expand my circle daily and Samaritan all in my path or within my sight.
-Temper my fear to exclude what I don’t understand or agree with.
-Mentor me past the petty, irresponsible gossip and slander of character.
-Open my eyes to the strength of difference, power of diversity and fulfillment through acceptance and tolerance.
-Present me with repeated opportunities despite my human frailty and acts of squander.
-Find me when I’m lost and remind me when I’m not to search for others.
-Save a place for me that I may spend a lifetime striving to be worthy, always knowing acceptance removes debt.
-Advance me the wisdom to recognize how little I know and the discipline to work hard enough to overcome it.
-Direct me to deliver what I promise and own my mistakes.
-Inspire me to leave this planet and all I touch better than I found it and be responsible to everything and everyone who inhabits it.
-Lend me the patience and fortitude to embrace the bookends of human life in the service and care of the children and elderly.
-Make my life an oath to fulfill my prayer and my gifts the tools to achieve it.
-Keep me steadfast in my journey, Christlike in my steps, and grateful for your presence.
In Jesus’ name we pray and live,
Love, YFTC, & ITSOO
Jim Redwine 2008
DEVIN’S DOLLAR
It is amazing to me what a calloused shell can form around someone who has spent a fair amount of their time beat down. You would think an inside look at despair and host of extreme life disappointments and hardships would breed a deep sense of compassion, but often it does not. In fact, being in the same boat just creates a pessimism and disgust of the very people traveling the same direction. I’ve seen it over and over again – a person expecting endless help while at the same time denouncing everyone else’s deserving assistance. The chance for empathy is overshadowed by negativity and an all too surreal case of familiarity.
Several of my friends repeatedly over a period of years have exclaimed their unwillingness to help anyone based on the bias that the aid would be misused anyway, a type of dangerous cynicism that isolates us and creates a lack of bridges vital in connecting us to each other and promising growth and understanding. Despite their criticisms and warnings of futile extensions of aid, I have persisted in their presence to transfer the same courtesies to others that I have to them. With example being the better half of talk and impression being the reward of persistence, I continue to offer the explanation “if it helps just one” and “deception never diminishes an act of kindness.”
I had just filled up the truck tank with gas and enjoyed the ability to purchase a coke and glass of ice. On the way out of the store an elderly black gentleman sat in a wheelchair, an obvious amputee of both legs. He said not one word or asked for help, which spoke as loud to me as ever and I slipped him a dollar of my fortune. As I climbed in the truck a miracle took place as a reformed street person, a helper of mine, passed the gentleman a dollar as well. As he entered the truck we enjoyed a comfortable silence as I think we both absorbed the events of the stop.
Unable to leave well enough alone and being a self-proclaimed student of people, I pushed gently for an explanation. As Devin spoke the words “It just felt right,” I realized discipleship resides in us all. True ministry engages interaction and converts us to keepers of our brothers. Our love must dismiss our suspicions in favor of searching for the best in people.
There’s hope in our most challenging endeavors and a host of treasure at the end of the rainbow, none any larger than the gift of “Devin’s Dollar.”
Love, ITSOO & YFTC,
Mr. Redwine
ALWAYS THERE
To me it seemed normal to marry my best friend, but I realize from sharing numerous close friendships that opinions range dramatically on not only what friendship is but who and how that role is filled, if at all. Interestingly enough, many believe the opposite sex can’t qualify as a best friend while others feel it is the most natural match of all. The physical connection men have through sports, athletics and common interests is a strong argument for top billing while a woman’s caring and gentle mannerisms, combined with the mothering instinct, offers emotional shelter and belonging men need beneath the facade of colossal strength.
Personally, I believe a good marriage gone south should end at worst with the best friend you’ve ever had based on the fact that’s who you started with. The difficulties of an extended sleepover since we were kids and the aggravations of extensive familiarity have always been a factor in the challenges to maintain and grow that best friend. Since judgment affects our selection, many of us have been let down more than once as we choose poorly, we are deceived or a combination of both. Even with the admission from both sides such a “best” ever existed, both interpretations and sets of standards and requirements may remain dramatically different.
Awaiting reciprocation is also an unknown and with our choice the slot may be permanently filled. We invent secondaries which make us feel better like “my best guy friend” or “older best friend” or “best single friend.” Some use it lightly, others quite seriously. Some wish it was their spouse, others dread the thought, and others assign the title in secret to hordes of unconnected individuals spreading goodwill. While I agree it would be tough to have your wife as your best man at your wedding, a good relationship with your Dad makes him a great second choice from the traditional friend who may or may not be in your future. Is it we feel that spouse is in the bag, so we don’t have to extend them that level of recognition seeking second and beyond sources of approval and proof we matter?
While introverts and extroverts will have a considerably different take on all the same questions, the facts remain the healthiest relationship should probably carry the title and admission of best friend. In fact, whether we like it or not, nothing else should come close. Unreciprocated relationship levels are difficult at best and recently I became acutely aware of deep convictions and a viewpoint I couldn’t possible share where environment and dependence played an immense role in vision.
It was truthfully an unsettling and unwelcome admission that created an awkward absence of reciprocation. “You are my best friend” rolled off the lips of a man I had helped for years. I had never heard it from the extensive numbers I’ve had the opportunity to work with in the homeless community. I just couldn’t respond the way the silence had demanded me too. I thanked him and talked of a journey’s growth. Truthfully in service friendships can and often are as one sided as they can get. It is quite easy to elevate someone to “best” status who constantly meets your needs and sacrifices to take care of you.
The infatuation of someone solely out to protect and uplift you confuses the senses and generates emotions of gratitude wishing to assign some worthy title or position in a life. Expecting so much from a best friend and truly having someone to compare it to leaves me hopelessly unable to perpetuate such a stretch to anyone based solely on their response and take on our relationships. While length of time known is a pertinent and important factor, the connection and division of effort is even more critical. The distance to travel and level of response I would require prohibits most from getting very far down the path. Adults who operate like small children, exclaiming their new best friends each day, can cheapen a concept reserved for the most loyal and fulfilling in their lives.
Most of us have high standards given some thought but maintaining them takes an honest effort to sort and organize to benefit our relationship. Our “best” are generally under our nose as we blindly reach for the difficult pursuits. Talk remains cheap, accolades plentiful from those we constantly please and acceptance never ending from the one way flow of our energy and efforts. We will love people that don’t love us and we will assign our highest positions of honor to those who might not reciprocate, but when it comes to “best” we should take careful stock of our relationships and save that gift for the right person. Hold on tightly and be stingy with such strong words and don’t forget to look behind you at the person “Always There.”
Love, YFTC & ITSOO,
Mr. Redwine
“God, grant me the vision to see clearly past the words into the actions that shape my life for the better.” Jim Redwine
“Just because it’s easy doesn’t mean it’s not right, but when it’s not right it’s never easy. Jim Redwine”
FALL BACK
It’s a fact that the rarer something is the more valuable it becomes. Beyond actually having it, the pursuit is sometimes as big a thrill as the acquisition. The reason is simple. We see, we value, we want, we chase, we procure and then often wonder why we still aren’t happy or something new suddenly seems better or more worthwhile. Actually, not having something is the majority of the interest making the pursuit the real prize.
What we really shouldn’t and can’t really afford is to let friendship and love enter that insane category of cat and mouse. The great friendships and loves of our life lay at our feet, easy and unconditional, and we wipe our feet on them like a doormat before walking past to pursue more evasive and mystic alluring and fleeing targets. It is engrained in us: no fight, no prize and this belief causes us to miss things right under our nose.
We think nothing worthy can be so achievable with so little effort. I’m not talking about what I call catastrophic friends who call when there is a tragedy or melt down, or pump me up friends who contact you just to recharge their battery for their worthwhile and leg up contacts or the one way friends who you hear from only when they need something.
No, I’m not keeping score but 100 to zero is fairly noticeable. There are dozens of other labels I could use for endless other kinds of friends that exist but skipping to the chase, it’s the daily joy friends I find most comforting. They are constantly outside where you live like the proverbial doormat and never exclude you from wiping your feet on them or picking them up and brushing them off. They are the stability and quality of life we deserve but don’t always know how to embrace.
It seems futile to chase a cart of rotten vegetables through all the gardens in town. Ripe, fresh and easily picked friends lay at our feet while long pursuits of others guarantee us mostly decomposition at the end of our road. People who love and want you don’t run or play games. The biggest waste is our time and happiness lost or misguided.
Those of us who revel in our opportunities will be lucky to have enough time for our deserving friends. The problem with any chase is you are not sure where you are going. People who make their intentions known usually have little to hide and tend to seize the moments. When daylight saving time was near I was thinking how many of us keep falling forward in the search for acceptance, friendship and love when I got a postcard reminder to reset my clocks.
It’s really quite simple when we blow past so many gifts of friendship. Slow down, close your eyes, open your hearts, take more leaps of faith and “Fall Back.”
YFTC & ITSOO
Mr. Redwine
“God, grant to me the vision to see and embrace what I miss and dismiss the perpetual disappearing in the distance.” JR
“The real prize is the one always at arms length.” Jim Redwine
